CLE RAMESH’S HOT TAKE
Thursday, January 8, 2026
[Uncle Ramesh reading THE GUYANA BRIEF on his iPad, coffee in hand, shaking his head so hard his reading glasses almost fall off]
Listen nah, I just read this youngin’s “Guyana Brief” and my blood pressure went UP.
This child writing like Trump is some kinda superhero! “Uber-kidnapped a president!” Like is a GOOD thing?!
Let Uncle Ramesh school you on what REALLY happening here.
ISE PARTY"? YOU MEAN INTERNATIONAL CRIME!
The Brief says: “Americans just Uber-kidnapped an entire president!”
Uncle Ramesh says: That’s called INVASION, child! Not DoorDash! Not cute! Not funny!
This youngin’ making JOKES about America bombing another country? About 80+ people DEAD? Where your humanity at?
The Reality:
- America BOMBED Venezuelan soil
- KILLED over 80 people
- KIDNAPPED a sitting president
- Put warships in Caribbean waters
And this child writing “faster than DoorDash”?! NAH!
‘S RESPONSE AIN’T “THRILLED”
The Brief says: “Ali is diplomatically thrilled”
Uncle Ramesh says: Ali SCARED! Not thrilled! SCARED!
You think President Ali HAPPY about this? America just showed they could do the SAME THING to Guyana tomorrow if they feel like it!
What Ali Actually Thinking:
- “Please don’t invade us next”
- “We got oil too, remember?”
- “Maybe I should call China… or Brazil… or SOMEBODY”
This ain’t celebration time! This is WORRY time!
The Protesters Got It Right: They outside the US Embassy saying “Guyana could be next!” And they RIGHT! We got 11 BILLION barrels of oil! You think America forget that?!
HAMEDS: FINALLY WE AGREE (KINDA)
Okay, okay. Let Uncle Ramesh be fair (for ONCE).
The youngin’ got THIS part right: The Mohameds need to STOP with the appeals.
But here’s what The Brief MISSED:
- WHO put them in business for 40 YEARS?
- WHO gave them all those gold licenses?
- WHO looked the other way while they built an empire?
You can’t complain about the Mohameds NOW when everybody KNEW what they was doing for DECADES!
Uncle Ramesh’s Theory: Mohameds thought they could wait out the Americans in Trinidad. Realized Georgetown food taste better. Came back. Now surprised the Americans still want them.
shocked Pikachu face
OES HIGHWAY: THE BRIEF GOT THIS WRONG
The Brief says: “Highway lasted 13 months”
Uncle Ramesh says: The highway WORKS! It just BUMPY!
Listen, y’all expect concrete to be PERFECT immediately? Concrete take TIME to settle! This is NORMAL!
Here in Queens: We have roads that need work after 2-3 years TOO! But we don’t write satirical articles about it!
The Real Problem: Not that they fixing it. The problem is they LYING about “always planning” to put asphalt. Just ADMIT y’all made a mistake and moving on!
But noooo, government gotta PRETEND everything was planned. That’s the REAL issue!
CHOOL: THIS CHILD MISSED THE POINT COMPLETELY
The Brief says: “Achievement is that internet didn’t crash”
Uncle Ramesh says: YOU MISSING THE POINT!
This ain’t about Zoom working! This is about REACHING INTERIOR KIDS!
What The Brief Ignored:
- Dora Secondary (interior)
- Kwakwani (interior)
- St. Cuthbert’s (interior)
- Anna Regina (not Georgetown!)
These kids FINALLY getting same education as Georgetown kids! That’s the WIN!
But no, this youngin’ wanna make jokes about “Zoom been around since 2020.”
Yeah? Well Zoom been in GEORGETOWN since 2020! Interior just getting it NOW! That’s PROGRESS!
ARMERS: THE BRIEF COMPLETELY MISSED IT
The Brief says: “Money after damage done”
Uncle Ramesh says: At least they GETTING money!
You know how many countries DON’T help farmers after floods? MOST OF THEM!
The Real Cycle:
- Climate change causing worse floods (not Guyana’s fault!)
- Drainage systems can’t handle it (needs MORE money to fix!)
- Crops get damaged
- Government helps farmers recover
What You Want? Government to time-travel and PREVENT floods? Control the weather?!
Better Angle: Why The Brief ain’t asking: “Where the DRAINAGE money going?” Now THAT’S the question!
HE BRIEF REALLY MISSED
Let Uncle Ramesh tell you what THIS youngin’ IGNORED in he satirical digest:
1. The Monroe Doctrine
America just invoked the Monroe Doctrine! You know what that is, child? That’s America saying “Latin America is OURS!”
This ain’t just about Maduro! This is about REGIONAL CONTROL!
2. Guyana’s Silence
Why Ali ain’t condemn the bombing? Because he CAN’T! America is Guyana’s ally against Venezuela’s territorial claims!
This is COMPLICATED! Not “DoorDash” jokes!
3. The Oil Factor
Venezuela has oil. Guyana has oil. Trump wants control. Connect the dots, people!
4. CARICOM’s Silence
Where the REST of the Caribbean? Why NOBODY saying nothing? Because EVERYBODY scared!
RAMESH’S REAL TALK
Look, I understand satire. I GET jokes. But sometimes the situation too SERIOUS for “Uber-kidnapped” jokes.
What Really Happened:
- American imperialism showed its face
- Guyana caught between rock and hard place
- Region scared to speak up
- Oil driving ALL of this
The Brief’s Take:
- “DoorDash efficiency!”
- “Ali is thrilled!”
- Completely miss the GRAVITY
WORD FROM QUEENS
This youngin’ need to understand something: COMEDY GOT LIMITS.
When 80+ people dead, when democracy violated, when international law BROKE—maybe don’t lead with jokes about delivery apps?
Messages for The Guyana Brief:
On Trump’s Venezuela Move: This ain’t comedy. This is CRISIS. Guyana need to be WORRIED, not making DoorDash comparisons.
On The Mohameds: Finally we agree! But ask WHY they got this far in the first place!
On Heroes Highway: You RIGHT that government lying. But the highway WORKS. It just needs adjustment.
On Digital School: Celebrate the interior kids getting access! Stop being CYNICAL about everything!
On Rice Farmers: At least government HELPING! Ask about PREVENTION, not mock the relief!
RAMESH’S COUNTER-BRIEF
What We ACTUALLY Learned Thursday:
- ✅ America willing to invade neighbors (SERIOUS)
- ✅ Guyana’s oil makes us vulnerable (WORRYING)
- ✅ Mohameds still appealing (we agree!)
- ✅ Government lies about “plans” (annoying but normal)
- ✅ Interior kids getting digital access (GOOD NEWS)
- ✅ Farmers getting flood relief (GOOD NEWS)
Tomorrow’s Forecast:
- More geopolitical analysis this youngin’ gonna miss
- More serious situations turned into bad jokes
- Uncle Ramesh having HIGH blood pressure reading The Brief
My wife calling me. Time to eat my blood pressure medication… I mean lunch.
Stay INFORMED, not just ENTERTAINED.
— Uncle Ramesh
Calling from Queens, NY
Where we know the difference between satire and serious
â±ï¸ Uncle Ramesh Talk Time: 5 minutes
☕ Coffee consumed: 2 cups (need more after reading The Brief)
s I disagreed with The Brief:** 7 out of 9 stories
tration level:** HIGH
Still love Guyana:** Always
cle Ramesh responds to The Guyana Brief because somebody gotta keep these youngsters in check!
Share this if you think international invasions ain’t “DoorDash” material!