🇬🇾 THE GUYANA BRIEF 🇬🇾
Your 5-Minute Weekend News Circus
Saturday, January 10, 2026
Sponsored by: Contractors Who Can't See 69,000-Volt Lines
📊 WEEKEND QUICK STATS
Mohamed Self-Pity Level: 💯 MAXIMUM
Vloggers Regretting Guyana Visit: 2/2
National Grid Near-Death Experiences: 🔥 Another One
Opposition Pulse Check: ⚰️ Flatline
Government Promises Kept: 📉 Approaching Zero
🎭 THE MOHAMEDS PLAY THE VICTIM CARD
Role: Innocent Victims™
Script: "Why is America so mean?"
Audience: Not buying it
The Mohameds are back with another performance, and this time they’re playing the victim. According to their lawyer, Sanjeev Datadin, the US wants to extradite them because they’re “Indian Guyanese” and “successful businessmen.”
Let’s Break This Down:
Their Argument: America is targeting them because of their ethnicity and success.
Reality: America is targeting them because Florida has an active criminal case against them for money laundering.
The Victim Narrative: “We’ve done nothing wrong! We’re being persecuted!”
The Court Record: Multiple appeals, all denied. Multiple judges, all said “no.” The pattern is clear.
📜 MOHAMED LEGAL STRATEGY TRACKER:
Strategy #1: "We didn't do it" ❌ Failed
Strategy #2: "The evidence is weak" ❌ Failed
Strategy #3: "The process is unfair" ❌ Failed
Strategy #4: "We're victims of discrimination" ⏳ Current attempt
Kaieteur News (As Always): Has written enough about the Mohameds to fill a library. At this point, they could publish The Complete Mohamed Saga: Volumes 1-47.
The Timeline: Every time a court says no, they find a new reason to appeal. They’ve turned extradition into a marathon sport.
⚡ CONTRACTOR NEARLY KILLS HIMSELF (AND HALF OF GEORGETOWN)
⚠️ CLOSE CALL ALERT ⚠️
Power Line Voltage: 69,000 volts
Crane Proximity: Too close
Safety Protocol Followed: Questionable
Outcome: Everyone lived (somehow)
A contractor working on Sheriff Street almost touched a 69,000-volt power line with his crane. Yes, you read that right. Sixty-nine THOUSAND volts.
For Context: That’s enough electricity to vaporize a person. Instantly. No second chances. No “oops, my bad.”
What Happened:
- Contractor lifting materials
- Crane gets dangerously close to overhead power lines
- GPL (Guyana Power & Light) technicians notice
- Emergency shutdown before catastrophe
The Scary Part: This wasn’t discovered by the contractor. This wasn’t caught by site safety. This was caught by GPL technicians who happened to be paying attention.
Translation: Someone almost died because basic safety protocols weren’t followed. And we only know about it because GPL’s people were alert.
💡 HOW CONSTRUCTION WORKS:
Elsewhere: Plan → Survey site → Identify hazards → Implement safety → Execute
In Guyana: Plan (maybe) → Start work → Almost cause disaster → Act surprised → Blame someone else
The Questions Nobody’s Asking:
- Who approved this project without a proper safety plan?
- Why were the power lines not clearly marked?
- What happens to the contractor?
The Answers: Probably nothing, probably nobody, and definitely “we’re looking into it.”
📊 CRIME STATS: MURDER UP, ROAD DEATHS UP, VIBES DOWN
Murders: UP 11% (134 total)
Road Deaths: UP 6% (140 total)
Government Response: "Crime is down!"
Public: "Please be serious."
The police released 2025 crime statistics, and the numbers tell a story the government doesn’t want to hear.
Murders: 134 (up from 121 in 2024) Road Deaths: 140 (up from 132 in 2024)
Government’s Spin: “Overall crime is down! Look at the big picture!”
The Big Picture: More people were murdered. More people died on the roads. That’s the picture.
The Breakdown:
- Murders: 11% increase
- Road deaths: 6% increase
- Combined: 274 lives lost
What Actually Decreased: Robberies, break-ins, larceny. Good! But when MURDER is up double digits, maybe lead with that?
🎯 ADDRESSING CRIME:
What Works: Community policing, better training, accountability, improved response times
What We Got: "Crime is down!" (when it's actually up in the categories that matter most)
🎬 TOURISM GUYANA: STILL STRUGGLING
The vlogger incidents continue! Two separate incidents, two different responses, same underlying problem.
Incident #1: French vlogger slapped by vendor. Court case pending.
Incident #2: British vlogger films rough areas, calls Guyana “Third World.” Chronicle responds by attacking him personally instead of addressing the issues he filmed.
The Pattern: When tourists show reality, we attack the tourists instead of fixing the reality.
🏗️ THE 40,000 HOUSES PROMISE
🏠 HOUSING MATH CHECK:
Promise: 40,000 houses by 2028
Time Remaining: ~3 years
Required Pace: 37 houses PER DAY
Current Reality: Ha. Haha. HAHAHAHA.
Vice President Bharrat Jagdeo reminded everyone of the government’s promise to deliver 40,000 houses by 2028.
Let’s Do The Math:
- 40,000 houses ÷ 3 years = 13,333 houses/year
- 13,333 houses ÷ 365 days = 36.5 houses PER DAY
For Perspective: That’s completing a house every 39 minutes. For three years straight. Without breaks.
Current Status: They’ve allocated land. Land allocation ≠ built houses.
💡 THE ELECTRICITY PROMISE (REMEMBER THAT?)
Remember when they promised “no more blackouts” by end of 2024? It’s 2026. Still waiting.
The Pattern:
- Make bold promise
- Miss deadline
- Announce new timeline
- Repeat
🤷 THE OPPOSITION: STILL MISSING
Where is the opposition? Seriously, where are they? The Mohamed case has Parliament frozen. No sessions, no debates, no oversight.
Democracy Requires: Active opposition holding government accountable
What We Have: Silence
🏆 ACTUAL GOOD NEWS: AISHALTON AIRSTRIP
Finally, some genuinely good news! The Aishalton airstrip project is actually progressing well. On time, on budget, serving the community.
Proof: Infrastructure projects CAN work when properly managed.
🏆 YOUR SATURDAY RECAP
📚 WHAT WE LEARNED:
- The Mohameds are now victims (apparently)
- 69,000 volts is not a suggestion
- Murder is up, but "crime is down"
- Tourists with cameras remain public enemy #1
- 40,000 houses = 37/day (good luck)
- The electricity promise aged poorly
- The opposition is on permanent vacation
- Aishalton proves we CAN do things right
Sunday: Rest. Monday: More chaos.
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THE GUYANA BRIEF: Making Guyana’s news slightly more bearable, one satirical digest at a time. 🇬🇾