🇬🇾 THE GUYANA BRIEF 🇬🇾
Your 5-Minute Sunday News Circus
Sunday, January 12, 2026
Sponsored by: Lawyers Who Bill By The Appeal
📊 SUNDAY QUICK STATS
Mohamed Victim Complex: 💯 MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE
Appeals Filed This Week: 3 (and counting)
Opposition Sightings: 0 (still missing)
Heroes Highway Lifespan: ⏱️ 25 months (needs repairs)
Murder Rate Trajectory: ⬆️ UP 11% (but crime is "down"!)
🎭 THE MOHAMEDS PRESENT: “THEY’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE” (THE MUSICAL)
Courtroom Drama: ✅ CHECK
Appeal to Full Court: ✅ CHECK
Op-Ed About Persecution: ✅ CHECK
Lawyer Catchphrase: "The Mohameds are NOT going anywhere!"
This week, the Mohamed legal saga reached peak absurdity. Let’s recap the highlights:
This Week’s Timeline:
- Monday: Acting Chief Justice says “No stay”
- Monday (5 minutes later): Defense appeals to Full Court
- Tuesday: Courtroom drama with first witness
- Thursday: More drama with “late evidence”
- Friday: Nazar’s op-ed declares “government declared war on his family”
Defense Attorney’s Battle Cry: “The Mohameds are NOT going anywhere.”
Translation: “We will appeal until the heat death of the universe.”
⚖️ THE MOHAMED APPEAL-O-METER ⚖️
📰 Kaieteur News Articles Written: 4,000+ (literally)
⚖️ Courts Appealed To: All of them
📅 Next Hearing: February 5 (unless they delay the delay)
🎪 Legal Strategy: "Throw everything at the wall and see what sticks"
The Grievances (According to Nazar’s Op-Ed):
- Insurance won’t cover his bulletproof vehicles (The AUDACITY!)
- GRA employees who helped him are being arrested (for helping commit fraud, but details!)
- His lands are being “illegally occupied” by squatters (more on this later)
- Government using “political influence” (says the guy facing fraud charges)
Kaieteur News Coverage: Has written more words about the Mohameds than Shakespeare wrote plays. They could publish a 47-volume encyclopedia at this point.
The Pattern: Court says no → Lawyers appeal → Court says no again → Lawyers appeal the appeal → Repeat until Florida gives up
Florida’s Patience Level: Approaching absolute zero
🏗️ HEROES HIGHWAY: THE SEQUEL NOBODY ASKED FOR
⚠️ INFRASTRUCTURE HALL OF SHAME ⚠️
Built: December 2023 (concrete)
Lasted: 25 months
Solution: Cover with asphalt
Defense: "This was always the plan!"
Remember Heroes Highway? The concrete road commissioned December 2023? It needs repairs already!
Government: “We always planned to put asphalt over the concrete!”
Everyone: “Then why use concrete at all?”
Government: crickets
📋 INFRASTRUCTURE LOGIC:
Elsewhere: Build road properly → Use 20-30 years ✅
Guyana: Build concrete → Realize it's uneven → Cover with asphalt → Spend millions more 💸
The Timeline:
- December 2023: Highway commissioned
- March 2025: US Secretary Rubio says “we almost had concussions”
- April 2025: Ali announces overlay was “always the plan”
- January 2026: Bids invited for asphalt overlay
Original Cost: $13.9 billion (12 contractors)
Additional Cost: Millions more for asphalt
What We Could’ve Done: Built proper asphalt road from start
What We Did: Speed-run concrete, then fix with asphalt
📈 CRIME STATS: THE NUMBERS GAME
Murders: ⬆️ UP 11% (130 total)
Road Deaths: ⬆️ UP 6% (137 total)
Overall Serious Crimes: ⬇️ DOWN 25.5%
Government: "Crime is down!"
Public: "But more people died?"
The Police released 2025 stats. Depending on which metric you pick, Guyana is either safer or deadlier.
Good News: Serious crimes down 25.5% (from 1,235 to 920 cases)
Bad News: 130 murders + 137 road deaths = 267 people died violently
Government’s Press Release: “Significant crime reduction!”
Reality: More people were murdered and killed on roads than 2024.
The Spin vs The Truth: Focus on percentages, ignore the body count.
🤷 THE OPPOSITION: STILL MISSING
🚨 MISSING PERSON ALERT 🚨
NAME: The Opposition Leader
LAST SEEN: Never (Parliament convened November 2025)
STATUS: Still not elected
REASON: Mohamed extradition freezes everything
Parliament convened in November. Still no Opposition Leader. Why? Azruddin Mohamed (WIN’s leader with 16 seats) is fighting extradition.
WIN’s Warning: “No Opposition Leader, No Oversight”
The Irony: The presumptive Opposition Leader is too busy fighting fraud charges to lead.
Kaieteur’s Savage Quote: “It’s almost as if the opposition is in [the PPP’s] fold, under its control”
Expected Resolution: February 5… or whenever appeals finish… so maybe 2030?
🏡 SQUATTER GATE: MOHAMED’S LAND DRAMA
Nazar Mohamed claims squatters invaded his East Bank Demerara land near Heroes Highway. He alleges government officials encouraged them.
His Response: “I will demolish any structures they build.”
The Squatters: “Someone said Mohamed gave out the land.”
The Twist: Police who responded were allegedly transferred immediately.
The Conspiracy Theory: Political vindictiveness over extradition
Reality: Nobody knows, but it’s great drama
⚡ GPL: CONTRACTORS STILL CAN’T SEE POWER LINES
GPL issued another weekly warning about contractors threatening the grid. The pattern continues: contractor does something dangerous → GPL warns → repeat next week.
🏆 YOUR SUNDAY RECAP
📚 WHAT WE LEARNED:
- The Mohameds are NOT going anywhere (according to their lawyers)
- Heroes Highway's asphalt overlay was "always the plan" (wink wink)
- Crime is down, but murders are up (pick your metric!)
- The Opposition is still missing (Day 67)
- Squatters appeared on Mohamed's land (coincidentally)
- GPL contractors remain a threat to national security
- February 5 is the next court date (unless they appeal)
🔮 MONDAY'S PREDICTIONS:
📌 Mohameds file motion challenging the air quality in courtroom
📌 Heroes Highway contractor announces plan to add diamond overlay on top of asphalt
📌 Government celebrates crime reduction while families mourn murder victims
📌 Opposition Leader election postponed to 2027 (pending appeals)
📌 GPL discovers contractor building house directly on transmission line
💭 SUNDAY WISDOM
In a country where:
- Legal cases produce more appeals than actual verdicts
- A 2-year-old highway needs millions in repairs
- Crime is simultaneously up and down
- The opposition doesn’t have a leader
At least we can laugh about it. That’s something, right?
Stay informed, Guyana. And lawyers? Keep those billing hours coming. ⚖️
THE GUYANA BRIEF: Your daily dose of “wait, that actually happened?” 🇬🇾
All stories real. All outrage justified. All satire absolutely necessary.