De Problem

Speedeet: Bai, yuh see dat mango tree behind Mr. Chan shop?

Wilar: Which one? De Julie mango or de long mango?

Speedeet: De JULIE mango, man! De one wid de big big mango hanging over de fence. Dat mango deh deh looking at me every day when me pass, just BEGGING somebody fuh pick it.

Wilar: Speedeet, dah is Mr. Chan property. Yuh cyaan just—

Speedeet: Who seh anything about JUST going and pick it? Me got a PLAN.

Wilar: (sighs) Oh gosh. Last time yuh had a “plan” we end up stuck in Mrs. Persaud chicken coop fuh two hours.

Speedeet: Dat was different! Dis time me think it through PROPER.

De Plan (According to Speedeet)

Step 1: Wait until Mr. Chan close he shop fuh lunch (1:00 PM)

Step 2: Wilar distract Mr. Chan dog (Rambo) wid biscuits

Step 3: Speedeet climb de fence quiet quiet

Step 4: Pick de mango

Step 5: Run like de wind

Speedeet: See? Simple! Wha could go wrong?

Wilar: Everything. EVERYTHING could go wrong. Yuh remember when yuh seh climbing Mr. Ramdeen coconut tree was “simple”? Yuh get stuck up deh fuh THREE HOURS until de fire service come.

Speedeet: Bai, me was younger den. Me was ELEVEN. Now me twelve and got EXPERIENCE.

Wilar: Dah was four months ago.

Speedeet: Exactly! Four months of GROWTH and WISDOM.

De Reality (Wha Actually Happen)

1:00 PM - Behind Mr. Chan Shop

Wilar: (nervously) Yuh sure about dis?

Speedeet: Bai, trust me. Now throw de biscuits fuh Rambo.

(Wilar throw three coconut biscuits. Rambo nyam dem in 2 seconds and look at Wilar like “Dah is it?”)

Wilar: Uh, Speedeet? Me think we need more biscuits.

Speedeet: No time! Me going now!

(Speedeet start climbing de fence. He get halfway up when…)

Rambo: WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!

Speedeet: SHHHHH! Good doggy! Nice Rambo!

Rambo: WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! (Translation: “INTRUDER! INTRUDER! Somebody deh ya trespassing!”)

Wilar: Speedeet, COME DOWN!

Speedeet: Me almost got it! Just… lil… more…

(Speedeet reach fuh de mango. He finger JUST touching it when…)

Mr. Chan: OY! WHA YUH BOYS DOING BACK HERE?!

De Chase

Speedeet: (still on fence) OH GOSH! MR. CHAN! Good afternoon, sir! Nice weather today, eh?

Mr. Chan: GET DOWN FROM DEH RIGHT NOW!

Speedeet: Yes sir, Mr. Chan, sir! Coming down right now, sir!

(Speedeet try fuh climb down quick quick, but he foot get stuck in de fence chain-link)

Speedeet: WILAR! HELP! ME FOOT STUCK!

Wilar: ME TEL YUH DIS WAS A BAD IDEA!

(Wilar run fuh help. He trying fuh free Speedeet foot while Rambo barking and Mr. Chan coming closer)

Mr. Chan: ME KNOW YUH TWO BOYS! Yuh is Douglas son, and yuh is Sharma grandson! Wait till me tell yuh parents!

Speedeet: (panicking) Wilar, PULL HARDER!

Wilar: ME PULLING! Yuh foot stuck GOOD!

De Rescue (By De Most Unexpected Person)

(Just when tings looking BAD, Mr. Chan 15-year-old daughter, Mei-Ling, come outside)

Mei-Ling: Daddy, wha gwaan?

Mr. Chan: Dese boys trying fuh TIEF mango from we yard!

Mei-Ling: (looking at Speedeet dangling from de fence) Oh gosh, Daddy, look how he foot stuck! He cyaan even thief properly! (she start laughing)

Speedeet: (embarrassed) Dis nah funny!

Mei-Ling: Daddy, leh me help dem. Dem just pickney-dem wanting mango. Yuh remember when YOU bin climb Mrs. Wong fence fuh she guava?

Mr. Chan: (grumbling) Dat was DIFFERENT…

Mei-Ling: (walks over and expertly free Speedeet foot) Deh! See? Easy.

Speedeet: (rubbing he ankle) Thanks, Mei-Ling.

De Lesson (Or Lack Thereof)

Mr. Chan: Alright, yuh two. Come inside de shop.

Wilar: (whispering to Speedeet) We dead now. We SO dead.

(But instead of calling dem parents, Mr. Chan go in de back and come out wid TWO big Julie mangoes)

Mr. Chan: Here. Next time, just ASK. No need fuh break yuh foot trying fuh climb me fence like some kinda monkey.

Speedeet & Wilar: (shocked) Really?!

Mr. Chan: Yes, really. But if me EVER catch yuh climbing me fence again, me calling yuh parents AND de police. Yuh understand?

Speedeet & Wilar: Yes, Mr. Chan! Thank you, Mr. Chan!

Mei-Ling: (smiling) And boys? Dat mango yuh was reaching fuh? It nah even ripe yet. Would give yuh belly wuk fuh DAYS.

De Walk Home

Wilar: Yuh see? If yuh did just ASK like a normal person, we wouldn’t almost get in trouble!

Speedeet: Bai, where de fun in dah? Plus, we got de mangoes AND a good story!

Wilar: GOOD STORY?! Yuh was dangling from a fence like a Christmas decoration! Rambo was ready fuh EAT we!

Speedeet: (grinning) But we DIDN’T get eat! And now we know Mr. Chan nah so bad. Plus, yuh see how Mei-Ling fix me foot? She smart, boy!

Wilar: (shaking he head) Yuh impossible, yuh know dat?

Speedeet: Dah is why we best friends! Tomorrow me got another plan—

Wilar: NO! No more plans! Me mother seh me cyaan get in no more trouble dis week!

Speedeet: Not even a SMALL plan?

Wilar: Not even a TINY plan.

Speedeet: Wha about NEXT week?

Wilar: (sighing) We guh see.

De Truth

Dem did get in trouble when Mr. Chan mention de incident to Wilar grandmother at de market two days later. But dah is another story.

De mangoes? Delicious. Worth it? According to Speedeet, ABSOLUTELY. According to Wilar, NEVER AGAIN (until de next time Speedeet got a “plan”).

Next Week: “Speedeet & Wilar: De Cricket Match Catastrophe”

Speedeet & Wilar are fictional characters celebrating Guyanese youth culture and friendship. Their adventures deh fuh entertain and reflect de innocent mischief of childhood in Guyana. 🇬🇾

Fun Guyanese Words in Dis Story:

  • Bai = Boy, buddy (term of endearment)
  • Cyaan = Can’t
  • Belly wuk = Stomach ache/diarrhea
  • Tief = Steal
  • Quick quick = Very quickly
  • Oh gosh = Expression of surprise/worry
  • Deh/Deh deh = There/over there
  • Fuh = For/to
  • Nyam = Eat
  • Pickney/Pickney-dem = Child/children
  • Bin = Past tense marker (was/did)
  • Nah = Not/isn’t
  • Seh = Say/said
  • Guh = Going to/will
  • Leh = Let