Disclaimer: Uncle Ramesh is a proud supporter of de government. Dese bounties are purely satirical and offered in de spirit of “asking questions dat everybody thinking but nobody saying.” All rewards are subject to availability, government approval, and whether Uncle Ramesh remember he promise dem.
🎯 WELCOME TO DE BOUNTY BOARD
Awright, awright, awright! Is Uncle Ramesh here. Now look, me always saying de government doing great tings. GREAT TINGS! But even me, de biggest supporter, got a few… let we call dem “curiosities.”
So me putting up some bounties. Whoever can solve dese mysteries gon get rewards. Maybe. Probably. We go see.
💰 ACTIVE BOUNTIES
BOUNTY #1: De Road Repair Money Trail
Reward: $10,000,000 (in promises)
The Mystery:
Every year, billions allocated fuh road repair. Every year, same potholes. Some potholes so old dey got names now. People calling dem “Gerald” and “Big Momma.”
The Question:
Where de money gone? We not accusing nobody! We just… curious. Very curious.
Evidence Required:
- Receipts
- Actual fixed roads
- Photos of work being done (not just cones)
Claimed By: Nobody yet. Mystery remains unsolved since 1966.
BOUNTY #2: De Gas Price Paradox
Reward: Lifetime supply of cook-up rice
The Mystery:
We have oil. We producing oil. We EXPORTING oil. So why gas price still going up like it training fuh Olympics?
The Question:
Can somebody explain - using small words so Uncle Ramesh can understand - how we sitting on oil but paying like we importing from Mars?
Evidence Required:
- A explanation dat make sense
- No “global market” excuse (we been hearing dat one)
- Bonus points if yuh can say it wid a straight face
Claimed By: Several economists tried. None succeeded. One just started crying.
BOUNTY #3: De Missing Flood Pump
Reward: One umbrella and a bucket (practical tings)
The Mystery:
Every time it rain, Georgetown flood. Every time it flood, officials say “we working on drainage.” Dis been happening since Uncle Ramesh was young. Uncle Ramesh got grey hair now.
The Question:
We buy pumps. We hear about pumps. But when rain fall, where de pumps deh? Dey on vacation? Dey get transfer? Dey migrate to Canada?
Evidence Required:
- Location of working pumps
- Video of pumps actually pumping
- Dry streets after rainfall (any rainfall)
Claimed By: Still waiting. Bring yuh own boots.
BOUNTY #4: De Electricity Bill Mathematics
Reward: $5,000 (credited to yuh GPL account - so basically $50 after all de fees)
The Mystery:
Same appliances. Same usage. Same house. Bill different every month. Sometimes by THOUSANDS.
The Question:
What kinda quantum mathematics GPL using? Who calibrating dese meters? Stephen Hawking?
Evidence Required:
- Explanation of billing formula
- Why de “estimate” always higher dan actual
- Proof dat somebody actually reading de meter
Claimed By: GPL say dey go “look into it.” Dat was 2019.
BOUNTY #5: De “Coming Soon” Projects
Reward: A calendar (so dey can learn how time works)
The Mystery:
So many projects announced. So many groundbreakings. So many ribbon cuttings. But completion? Dat’s de plot twist nobody expecting.
The Question:
When “coming soon” was promised in 2020 and we now in 2026, is it still “coming”? Or it lost like de road repair money?
Evidence Required:
- Completed project matching original timeline
- Final cost matching original budget (hahahaha)
- Actual ribbon cutting at FINISHED project
Claimed By: Some projects done! Give credit where due. But de ones dat not done… we still waiting.
BOUNTY #6: De Airport “Quick Stop”
Reward: Priority boarding (on a bus)
The Mystery:
Cheddi Jagan International Airport. International! But customs moving like dey hand-writing each passport entry in calligraphy.
The Question:
Why it tek 3 hours to get out de airport? What dey checking so hard? Me dirty clothes? Me bottle of pepper sauce?
Evidence Required:
- Getting through customs in under 45 minutes
- Not missing yuh connecting ride
- Keeping yuh sanity
Claimed By: One person say dey did it in 30 minutes. We believe dey lying.
📋 BOUNTY BOARD RULES
- All rewards subject to availability - Uncle Ramesh memory not what it used to be
- Promises worth approximately $0.00 GYD - But it’s de thought dat counts
- No violence - We solving mysteries, not creating new ones
- Government officials welcome to participate - In fact, ENCOURAGED
- Sense of humor required - If yuh vex easy, dis not fuh you
🏆 SOLVED BOUNTIES
✅ SOLVED: De Phantom Pothole Fixer
Original Bounty: Recognition and a firm handshake
The Mystery: Who was filling potholes at night in Campbellville?
Solution: A retired PWD engineer spending he own pension money because he “couldn’t tek it no more.”
Reward Status: HERO STATUS GRANTED. Mayor office want to recognize him. Faith in humanity restored.
📝 SUBMIT A MYSTERY
Got a national mystery dat need solving? Someting dat make yuh scratch yuh head every day?
Use de Submit a Tip form on de homepage! Select “Question for Uncle Ramesh” and send yuh mystery. If it good enough, Uncle Ramesh might put a bounty on it.
Requirements:
- Must be funny (we doing satire, not investigations)
- Must be relatable (everybody should know what yuh talking about)
- Must not get we sued (please and thanks)
UNCLE RAMESH CLOSING THOUGHTS
Look, me love dis country. ME LOVE IT! But loving someting don’t mean yuh can’t laugh at it. And boy, sometimes all yuh can do is laugh.
Dese bounties? Dey not about attacking nobody. Dey about de frustrations we ALL feel. De tings we ALL talk about at de rum shop. De questions we ALL asking.
So if you got answers, come forward. De bounty waiting.
If yuh ain’t got answers… well, at least we know we not alone in wondering.
One love, plenty questions,
Uncle Ramesh 🎯
Uncle Ramesh’s Bounty Board updates monthly. All bounties satirical. No actual money will be paid. But if yuh actually solve one of dese mysteries, de nation will be grateful. And dat worth more dan money. Kinda. Maybe. Okay probably not but still.