⚠️ IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: De Rumor Mill is ENTIRELY FICTIONAL and for entertainment purposes ONLY. All characters, names, businesses, places, events, and incidents in dis column are either de products of de author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is PURELY COINCIDENTAL. Dis is SATIRE, not news. If yuh tek dis serious, dat’s on YOU!
🔥 CHILE! IS YUH GIRL BAM-BAM SALLY!
Grab yuh mauby and pull up a chair because dis week? DIS WEEK DE TEA SO HOT IT COULD BOIL COOK-UP!
Now before we start, let Sally remind yuh: EVERYTHING in dis column is MADE UP for jokes. Sally ain’t know yuh business, yuh neighbor business, or yuh cousin business. Dis is just Guyanese humor, yuh hear? Good. Leh we go!
💍 WEDDING WATCH (100% FICTIONAL!)
De Big Fat Wedding Somewhere in GT
Chile, Sally IMAGINE what it would be like if a family had a three-day wedding celebration with tent blocking HALF de road and sound system so loud people in Berbice could hear it!
And IMAGINE if de groom family and bride family had a WHOLE disagreement bout arrangements TWO DAYS before de wedding! Bride mother ready to call de whole ting off!
Den somehow dem work it out (Sally IMAGINE money exchange hands, but Sally ain’t saying HOW MUCH), and now everybody acting like best friends.
Dis ain’t happen to nobody in particular! Sally just IMAGINING what COULD happen at a Guyanese wedding. Because we ALL know weddings does bring DRAMA! 🌶️
De Theoretical Secret Wedding
Now dis one Sally COMPLETELY MADE UP. Imagine if a businessman was getting married but he ALREADY married! Wife number one living overseas, thinking everything sweet. Wife number two about to happen right here!
Sally ain’t describing NOBODY real! Dis is just a FICTIONAL scenario to make yuh laugh. But hypothetically… if yuh husband does travel overseas “fuh business” every other month… well… just jokes! 😂👀
Rating: 🔥🔥🔥 (For entertainment value only!)
💔 BREAKUP BULLETIN (COMPLETELY IMAGINARY!)
De Hypothetical Beauty Queen Situation
Now imagine — and Sally STRESSING dis is IMAGINATION — a scenario where somebody catch dey partner in de DMs with multiple people. One of dem was dey OWN FAMILY MEMBER!
She put him out de house so fast he left he gaming console behind. Now she selling it on Facebook Marketplace fuh half price!
Dis ain’t about NOBODY yuh know! Sally just painting a FICTIONAL picture of what COULD happen. We all got a friend of a friend who dis COULD apply to, right? 😂
De Hospital Romance Novel
Okay so dis is like a STORY Sally writing — totally fake!
Imagine a workplace romance at a big organization dat go wrong when de spouse find out through phone messages. HR get involved. Drama ensue!
Sound like a Nollywood movie, right? Because dat’s what it is — FICTION! Sally should write scripts! 📺
Rating: ✅ (Creative writing exercise!)
🏠 NEIGHBORHOOD CHRONICLES (SATIRICAL STORIES!)
De Mystery House Everywhere in Guyana
Yuh know dat big house in EVERY neighborhood dat been under construction fuh like THREE YEARS?
We ALL got one near we! De owner “run out of funds” halfway through but too shame to admit it. Keep telling people “finishing touches” every time somebody ask.
Finishing touches fuh THREE YEARS? Sir, at dis point just sell de shell and done!
Sally not talking bout ANY specific house! Just de CONCEPT of dat house dat exist in EVERY SINGLE NEIGHBORHOOD in Guyana! 😂
De Mango Thief Story (A Guyanese Fable)
Once upon a time — and dis is a MADE-UP STORY — a grandmother had a mango tree. Somebody was thieving she Julie mangoes every night!
She set up she phone to record and catch… WAIT FOR IT… a young entrepreneur in she own family!
De youth been picking mangoes and SELLING DEM at school fuh profit!
Granny wasn’t even vex about de mangoes. She vex because he ain’t give she a CUT of de business!
“If yuh gon be a businessman, at least PAY YUH SUPPLIER!”
Moral of de story: Guyanese children born with business sense! 🥭
Rating: 😂 (Fictional family fun!)
☕ OVERHEARD AT DE FICTIONAL SALON
Every week, Sally IMAGINES what conversations MIGHT happen at salons across Guyana…
At an imaginary salon somewhere:
“Girl, she tell she husband she going gym every evening but de only exercise she getting is jumping to conclusions!”
At another made-up beauty parlor:
“He say he working late but he always home by 7:30 smelling like perfume dat ain’t mine. Working late WHERE? De perfume counter?!”
At a salon dat don’t exist:
“She posting ‘blessed and grateful’ on Facebook every day but she does borrow sugar from me every week. Grateful fuh WHAT? Me sugar?!”
These are FICTIONAL conversations for comedy purposes!
👀 GENERAL OBSERVATIONS (NOT ABOUT ANYONE SPECIFIC!)
De New Vehicle Phenomenon
Sally notice A TREND (not specific people!). Plenty vehicles on de road lately looking BRAND NEW!
Now Sally not saying nothing bout NOBODY in particular! Sally just observing dat de car dealerships must be doing GOOD BUSINESS!
Either de economy really booming (which de government say it is!), or financing options getting better, or… well… Sally just asking GENERAL questions about TRENDS, not PEOPLE! 🤷♀️
De “Business Trip” Comedy Sketch
Why sitcoms don’t make episodes about “business trips” to neighboring countries? Would make good comedy!
Imagine a character telling he wife he going fuh a “conference” but de only conference happening is a meeting with he conscience!
DIS IS A TV SHOW IDEA, not about REAL PEOPLE! Sally should pitch dis to HBO Caribbean! 📺
🎤 BAM-BAM SALLY FINAL WORD
Listen, Guyana is a SMALL country. Population 800-something thousand, but really is like 500 people and we all related somehow.
So Sally want to be CLEAR: Nothing in dis column is about REAL PEOPLE or REAL EVENTS!
Dis is COMEDY. SATIRE. JOKES. FICTION.
If you read something and think “dat sound like me!” — dat’s because Guyanese experiences are UNIVERSAL! We ALL know somebody who COULD fit dese descriptions, because dese are COMMON SITUATIONS, not specific people!
Sally love EVERYBODY in Guyana — government supporters, opposition supporters, town people, country people, diaspora people. We all one family!
Dis column is just fuh LAUGHS. Nothing more, nothing less.
📢 SUBMIT YUH FICTIONAL SCENARIOS!
Got a MADE-UP STORY dat would be funny? A HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION dat would make people laugh?
Send yuh FICTIONAL IDEAS to Bam-Bam Sally!
Rules:
- Must be CLEARLY FICTIONAL
- No real names or identifiable descriptions
- Keep it FUNNY not mean
- Nothing dat could be mistaken fuh real events
Until next time, dis is Bam-Bam Sally reminding you: Laugh with we, not at anybody specific!
Chupz! 💋
⚖️ LEGAL NOTICE
The Rumor Mill by Bam-Bam Sally is a work of FICTION. All characters, stories, and scenarios are imaginary. This column is protected satire and comedic commentary on general Guyanese social situations. No real individuals are referenced, depicted, or intended. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is unintentional and coincidental. The Guyana Daily Brief does not engage in defamation, harassment, or the publication of false information about real individuals. This content is entertainment only.
🇬🇾 One Guyana, One Love, One Big Laugh! 🇬🇾