Disclaimer: DJ Roadblock’s Traffic Report is satirical commentary on Guyana’s road infrastructure and general traffic situations. No specific individuals are referenced or targeted. This is entertainment about SYSTEMS and SITUATIONS, not people.
🎙️ WAAAAAH GWAAN GUYANA! Is ya boy DJ Roadblock comin’ at you LIVE from de dashboard, dodging potholes like is a video game! Sunday edition, baby — even de roads need a day of rest, but dem ain’t getting one!
🔴 DISASTER ZONES - AVOID LIKE YUH EX
West Ruimveldt - De Forgotten Land
Bai, de people of West Ruimveldt CRYING. Residents been telling de newspapers for YEARS dat de roads breaking up dey vehicles! The Chronicle reported it. Stabroek reported it. EVERYBODY reported it.
De M&CC know about it. Officials say dey “aware.”
AWARE? Me AWARE dat I hungry, but dat don’t mean food appearing on me plate! Awareness don’t fix roads!
Pro tip: If you MUST drive West Ruimveldt, follow de goats. Dem know which holes to avoid.
De Abreu Street, Kitty - Pothole Paradise
Dis street been bad since BEFORE some ah you was born. Residents telling de papers it ain’t properly fixed in YEARS!
Private school deh there. Grocery shop deh there. Auto repair shop deh there — and TRUST ME, de auto repair business BOOMING because everybody vehicle getting destroy on dat street!
De potholes got potholes. Is like inception but fuh road damage.
Rating: 🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️🕳️ (5 out of 5 potholes)
🟡 PROCEED WITH CAUTION
Regent Street - De Swimming Pool
Every time rain fall, Regent Street become Olympic swimming venue. People wading through ankle-high water like is normal Tuesday.
De pumps working, dey say. All 13 pumps in Georgetown operational, de Minister confirm.
But somehow… SOMEHOW… Regent Street still flooding.
Is like de water got personal beef wid Regent Street. Water see Regent Street and say “YOU KNOW WHAT? TODAY I STAYING!”
Bel Air Park - “Posh” But Still Flooded
You think because you living in de fancy areas you safe? NAH! Even de nice neighborhoods flooding when rain fall!
Money cyaan stop water, family. Yuh expensive vehicle still gotta wade through de same flood as everybody else!
Sheriff Street - De Eternal Crater
Remember dat pothole by de fast food place? SHE STILL DEH! And she GROWING!
I hear people naming potholes now. One crater so old, it should have voting rights!
Avoidance strategy: Hug de left side, say a prayer, and accelerate.
🟢 SURPRISINGLY PASSABLE
Vlissengen Road
Looking decent today! But don’t get comfortable — give it 10 minutes. Something WILL happen. Funeral procession, breakdown, random cow crossing… de road always got surprises.
East Bank Highway
Weekend traffic light, so you might actually MOVE today. Enjoy it. Come Monday, you back to suffering.
🚗 GENERAL TRAFFIC OBSERVATIONS
De Parking Situation: Why people parking like dey fighting with de parking space? Some vehicles taking up THREE spots at de market! Others parking ON de sidewalk like sidewalk is extra lane!
Guyana needs parking lessons, not just driving lessons!
De Indicator Epidemic: Indicators exist, people! Dat little stick by de steering wheel? USE IT! Sally don’t have psychic powers to know you turning!
De Rush Hour Reality: If you leaving office at 5 PM, just bring a book. Or snacks. Or both. Because you sitting in traffic till at least 6:30.
💡 DJ ROADBLOCK’S TIPS
Rainy season coming - Check yuh wipers NOW, not when you cyaan see nothing
Keep snacks in yuh car - Traffic jam don’t care if you hungry
Download some music - Because radio signal WEAK in some of dese areas
If you see cones - Turn around. Just turn around. De cones multiplying and nobody know when dat “work” finishing.
Check yuh suspension - If you driving Georgetown regularly, budget for repairs!
📊 ROAD CONDITION RATINGS
| Area | Rating | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| West Ruimveldt | 💀 | Infrastructure needs help |
| De Abreu St, Kitty | 💀 | Years of neglect |
| Sheriff Street | ⚠️ | Craters expanding |
| Regent Street | 🌊 | Bring yuh kayak |
| Vlissengen Road | ✅ | For now… |
🏆 INFRASTRUCTURE HALL OF SHAME
This week’s nominations go to:
De Drainage System - For giving de impression of working while flooding continues
De Road Marking Crew - For lines so faded, you need faith to find yuh lane
De Traffic Light Timer - Who programmed dese? You get green light for 5 seconds, then red for 5 MINUTES!
De Pothole Filler - For patches dat last approximately ONE RAINFALL before disappearing
FINAL THOUGHT
Georgetown below sea level. We know dis. De Dutch build we drainage system centuries ago. And somehow, in 2026, with oil money flowing, we STILL can’t drive from Kitty to Stabroek without needing a mechanic appointment after.
De government making progress, yes. New projects happening, yes. But de BASIC roads in RESIDENTIAL AREAS? Still waiting!
DJ Roadblock not blaming any specific person — dis is a SYSTEMS problem dat need SYSTEMS solutions!
But hey — at least de pumps “working”!
Even if de roads ain’t.
Stay safe out deh, Guyana! Dis is DJ Roadblock signing off. Watch de potholes, respect de traffic lights, and remember — if de water rising, TURN AROUND, DON’T DROWN!
BEEP BEEP! 🚗📻
DJ Roadblock’s Traffic Report is satirical commentary on infrastructure and traffic conditions. No specific individuals are targeted. Actual road conditions may vary. Probably worse. Definitely worse. This is entertainment, not news. 🇬🇾