Your daily satirical summary of Guyana’s four major newspapers. Reading the news so you don’t have to.
🗣 THE BIG STORY: Opposition Leader Vote Finally Scheduled
Speaker Calls Meeting, Then Calls Candidate a Fugitive
After weeks of constitutional hand-wringing, Speaker Manzoor Nadir has reluctantly announced that opposition MPs will meet Monday, January 26th at 10 AM to elect a Leader of the Opposition.
But here’s where it gets spicy: while making the announcement, Nadir basically called the presumptive winner - WIN Leader Azruddin Mohamed - an “international fugitive” facing US extradition. He then asked everyone to preserve “the dignity of the house” and “the sanctity” of the responsibility.
Translation: “I’m legally required to do this, but I want everyone to know I’m unhappy about it.”
WIN holds 16 of 29 opposition seats, so unless APNU pulls off a miracle coalition, Mohamed is your next Opposition Leader. A man simultaneously running for the highest opposition office and running from US prosecutors. Only in Guyana could this be normal.
Sources: Guyana Chronicle, Demerara Waves
☀️ ENERGY: Linden Getting Solar Farms
15 Megawatts of “Clean, Cheap Power” Coming
Region 10 residents gathered at Watooka Lodge on Tuesday to hear about three solar farms being built at Retrieve, Block 37, and Dakoura. GUYSOL officials promised 15MW of power, lower electricity costs, and reduced government subsidies.
Even APNU MP Sharma Solomon showed up and said nice things. When the opposition compliments a government project, you know either: a) The project is genuinely good, or b) It’s election season
Construction starts Q1 2026, wrapping up Q1 2027. The US$83 million comes from Norway’s forest money - yes, the same money Guyana earned by not cutting down trees. We’re literally being paid to not do something, and it’s working out great.
Source: Guyana Chronicle
🗑️ CRISIS: Georgetown’s Garbage Emergency
Mayor Declares Emergency, Minister Promises “Relief”
The Georgetown Mayor and City Council declared a “limited state of solid waste emergency” on Monday because apparently the capital is drowning in garbage. Non-essential city staff are being reassigned to cleanup duty.
Local Government Minister Priya Manickchand responded on Tuesday: “You will see relief.”
When? How? From where? Details were apparently not essential. But relief is coming. Soon. Maybe.
The strategy involves asking central government for “financial and other forms of support.” Translation: “We need money and we need it yesterday.”
If you’ve been wondering why Georgetown smells like a landfill, it’s because… well, parts of it basically are.
Sources: Demerara Waves, Guyana Chronicle
👮 CRIME & COURTS: The Mohameds Saga Continues
US Veteran Prosecutor Now Handling Case
The extradition case against gold traders Azruddin and Nazar Mohamed (yes, the same Azruddin about to become Opposition Leader) continues grinding forward. A US veteran prosecutor known for handling major Venezuelan bribery forfeitures is now on the case.
Lawyers are clashing over allegations of bias and questions about ministerial authority to approve extradition proceedings. Chief Justice (ag) Navindra Singh will rule February 2nd on whether Home Affairs Minister Walrond even had authority to issue the “authority to proceed.”
The Mohameds maintain their innocence. The US maintains its interest. The rest of us maintain our popcorn supply.
Sources: News Room Guyana, Guyana Chronicle
🚨 SCANDAL: Police Academy Under Investigation
“Serious” Allegations of Sexual Exploitation
The Ministry of Home Affairs announced a probe into “serious” allegations of sexual exploitation, abuse of authority, and misconduct at the Guyana Police Force Academy.
The statement says the administration “immediately directed” the Criminal Investigation Department and Office of Professional Responsibility to investigate. No details on what triggered the investigation, but “immediately” suggests someone somewhere is very worried.
When the people training our future police officers need investigating, you have to wonder: who trains the trainers’ trainers?
Source: Demerara Waves
🚗 INFRASTRUCTURE: Eccles Roundabout Chaos
Bridge Open, Traffic Worse
The new Demerara River Bridge is doing its job… most of the time. Off-peak hours are smooth. But during rush hour? Eccles Roundabout has become, in the words of Kaieteur News, “the main chokehold of the East Bank.”
The government apparently realized a little late that maybe - just maybe - an overpass at Eccles should have been built before opening a bridge that invited thousands more vehicles to the party.
Peak hours (7-9 AM, 4-6 PM) now feature what locals describe as “just enough movement to keep hope alive and tempers boiling at the same time.”
Source: Kaieteur News
🏥 HEALTH: Lima Hospital Gets Management Committee
New Committee, New Vision, Same Challenges
Health Minister Dr. Frank Anthony met with a newly formed Management Committee for Lima Regional Hospital on Tuesday. The plan: upgrade infrastructure, improve service delivery, reduce waiting times, and “enhance overall health outcomes.”
The committee includes regional health officers, educators, religious leaders, and community representatives. It’s the kind of diverse stakeholder group that either produces great results or excellent excuses.
Time will tell which one.
Source: Guyana Chronicle
📰 MEDIA DRAMA: Freddie vs. Stabroek News
Chronicle Columnist Unleashes on Rival Paper
Freddie Kissoon used his Guyana Chronicle column today to absolutely torch Stabroek News and its columnists. Words used include: “despicable,” “repellent,” “pro-imperialist,” and “sycophantic eulogy.”
He also took shots at Forward Guyana’s Amanza Walton-Desir and the comment section of Stabroek News’ website, which he described as “psychotic anti-government pyrotechnics.”
When columnists start beefing with each other across newspapers, you know content is slow. Or feelings are real. Probably both.
Source: Guyana Chronicle
🌱 QUICK HITS
President Ali addressed IICA on climate-smart agriculture, committing Guyana to “science-driven, regenerative” solutions. Big words, bigger expectations.
Region 2 is seeing “significant improvements” in dental services. Smiles across Pomeroon.
Mashramani 2026 preparations continue. Theme: “Expressing our Culture through Innovation and Creativity.” Banks Mash in de Avenue hits Main Street January 23rd.
US Visa Pause affecting 75 countries continues making Caribbean headlines. Jamaica and Bahamas in particular wondering what they did wrong.
📊 TODAY’S SCORE
| Paper | Good News | Bad News | Bizarre |
|---|---|---|---|
| Chronicle | 6 | 1 | 1 |
| Stabroek | 2 | 4 | 2 |
| Kaieteur | 1 | 5 | 2 |
| Times | 2 | 2 | 1 |
Mood of the Nation: Cautiously optimistic about solar power, deeply skeptical about garbage collection, and thoroughly entertained by the opposition leadership drama.
That’s your Wednesday Brief. Tomorrow we’ll see if Georgetown actually gets garbage relief or just more promises. Stay informed, stay skeptical, stay Guyanese.
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