Every Sunday, join two 12-year-old friends from Pike Street, Kitty as they navigate life in Guyana.
De Problem
Everybody on Pike Street know three tings:
One — Speedeet mouth does move faster than he brain.
Two — Wilar brain does move faster than he courage.
Three — Miss Doreen julie mango tree produce de SWEETEST mango in all of Kitty. Maybe all of Georgetown. Maybe all of GUYANA.
And Miss Doreen know it too. Dat is why she does sit on she front porch from morning till night, rocking chair going squeak squeak squeak, watching dat tree like a security guard watching a jewelry store.
Speedeet: (leaning on de fence, staring at de tree) Wilar. WILAR. Look at dem mango, bai.
Wilar: (not looking up from he book) Me see dem.
Speedeet: No, bai. LOOK at dem. Dem RIPE. Dem YELLOW. Dem practically CRYING fuh somebody to eat dem.
Wilar: Dem crying fuh Miss Doreen to eat dem. Is HER tree.
Speedeet: But she got like FIFTY mango on dat tree! She is ONE old lady! She cyaan eat FIFTY mango!
Wilar: Watch she try.
Speedeet: Wilar, me serious. We NEED dem mango. Is a matter of… of…
Wilar: Greed?
Speedeet: SURVIVAL, bai! Growing boys need NUTRIENTS!
Wilar: (finally looking up) Yuh mudda just give you lunch. Rice, chicken, and plantain.
Speedeet: Dat was LUNCH nutrients. Mango is AFTERNOON nutrients. Is DIFFERENT!
De Plan
Speedeet: Okay, here is de plan—
Wilar: No.
Speedeet: Yuh ain’t even HEAR it yet!
Wilar: Every plan you ever had end wid ME getting in trouble. De kite plan? Grounded TWO WEEKS. De cricket plan? Me grandmother slippers nearly KILL me. De crab-catching plan? We STILL banned from de seawall on Saturdays.
Speedeet: Dis plan DIFFERENT!
Wilar: How?
Speedeet: (thinking hard) …it involve mango instead of crab?
Wilar: Goodbye.
Speedeet: WAIT! Hear me out. Miss Doreen does take she afternoon nap from two to three-thirty. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. She set she alarm and everything. When dat lady sleeping, a hurricane cyaan wake she.
Wilar: And?
Speedeet: And de mango tree right by de back fence. All we gotta do is climb de fence, pick TWO mango — just TWO, she nah gon miss TWO — and climb back over. In and out. Sixty seconds.
Wilar: Sixty seconds?
Speedeet: TOPS.
Wilar: (suspicious) And what happen if she wake up?
Speedeet: She NAH gon wake up! De woman sleep like she DEAD every afternoon!
Wilar: But WHAT IF—
Speedeet: Den we RUN! Wha she gon do? She is SEVENTY-FIVE! She cyaan catch WE!
Wilar: Miss Doreen does throw THINGS, Speedeet. Remember when she pelt de broom at Ravi fuh walking too loud past she house?
Speedeet: Dat was different. Ravi was wearing he mudda high heels fuh a dare. He DESERVE dat broom.
Wilar: (long sigh) …two mango?
Speedeet: Just TWO! One fuh you, one fuh me!
Wilar: (longer sigh) …fine. But if we get catch, I telling everybody it was YOUR idea.
Speedeet: Deal! Meet me by de back fence at two-fifteen. Wear dark clothes.
Wilar: Is BROAD DAYLIGHT, Speedeet! Why me wearing dark clothes?!
Speedeet: AMBIANCE, bai! We is MANGO COMMANDOS!
De Mission
2:15 PM. Back fence of Miss Doreen yard.
Speedeet show up in a black t-shirt, black shorts, and he mudda kitchen towel tied round he head like a bandana.
Wilar: (staring) Yuh look RIDICULOUS.
Speedeet: Me look TACTICAL.
Wilar: Yuh look like a twelve-year-old playing ninja wid a dish towel.
Speedeet: Shh! Focus! She sleeping?
They peep through de fence. Miss Doreen rocking chair empty. Curtains closed. Faint sound of snoring coming from inside.
Speedeet: (whispering) GREEN LIGHT! GO GO GO!
Wilar: Stop saying dat like is a movie—
But Speedeet already climbing de fence. He get one foot on top, swing he other leg over, and—
RIIIIIP.
He shorts catch on a nail.
Speedeet: (frozen, hanging on de fence wid he shorts ripping) Wilar. WILAR. Me shorts CATCHING.
Wilar: (trying not to laugh) Hold still, lemme—
Speedeet: ME CYAAN HOLD STILL! De nail going in me SKIN!
Wilar: (reaching up, trying to unhook de shorts) Stop WIGGLING!
Speedeet: (wiggling more) HURRY UP!
RIIIIIP.
De shorts tear free. Speedeet tumble over de fence and land in Miss Doreen flower bed. CRASH. Flat on he back. Surrounded by crushed hibiscus.
Speedeet: (whispering from de ground) …me alive?
Wilar: (peering over de fence) Yuh alive. But Miss Doreen FLOWERS dead.
Speedeet: (looking at de crushed flowers around him) Oh gosh. She gon KILL me.
Wilar: Yuh ALREADY dead! Dem was she PRIZE hibiscus! She did WIN de church flower competition wid dem!
Speedeet: (panicking) Okay okay okay — we get de mango FAST and we gone before she notice!
Speedeet scramble to he feet and dash to de mango tree. De julies hanging heavy on de branches — yellow, perfect, smelling like HEAVEN.
Speedeet: (reaching up) Come to papa…
He grab one. It come off easy. Warm from de sun. Perfect.
Speedeet: (whispering to de mango) You beautiful.
Wilar: (from de fence) Stop TALKING to de mango and GET ME ONE!
Speedeet reach fuh a second mango. But dis one stubborn. He pull. It nah budging. He pull HARDER.
De whole BRANCH shake.
Three mango fall.
Den five more.
Den de branch BREAK.
CRACK!
Mango raining down like a fruit hurricane. THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD.
Speedeet: (standing in a pile of mango, holding a broken branch) …oops.
Wilar: (horror on he face) OOPS?! YUH BREAK DE TREE!
Speedeet: Me nah break de TREE! Me break A BRANCH! Is DIFFERENT!
Wilar: MISS DOREEN NAH GON SEE IT DIFFERENT!
And dat is when dey hear it.
De screen door. Opening.
Squeeeeeak.
De Reckoning
Miss Doreen: (stepping onto de porch in she housecoat, squinting into de yard) Who out dey?! WHO IN ME YARD?!
Time stopped.
Speedeet standing in de middle of de yard. Surrounded by fallen mango. Holding a broken branch. Wearing a ripped shorts and a dish towel bandana. Standing in crushed hibiscus.
There was NOWHERE to hide. NOTHING to say. No explanation on EARTH dat could fix dis.
Miss Doreen: (adjusting she glasses) SPEEDEET?! IS YOU?!
Speedeet: (dropping de branch) Good afternoon Miss Doreen! Lovely day! Me was just… um… CHECKING on yuh tree! It look like a branch was WEAK and me was trying to—
Miss Doreen: (picking up she broom) YUH TIEFING ME MANGO!!!
Speedeet: TIEFING is a strong word, Miss Doreen! Me prefer “SAMPLING”—
Miss Doreen: (advancing wid de broom) ME GUH SAMPLE DIS BROOM ON YUH BACKSIDE!!!
Speedeet: (RUNNING) WILAR! HELP!
Wilar: (already halfway down de street) YUH ON YUH OWN, BAI!
De Aftermath
Miss Doreen didn’t catch Speedeet. But she didn’t need to. She know EXACTLY where he live. She was at Speedeet door before he even get home, talking to he mudda.
De conversation went like dis:
Miss Doreen: Yuh son DESTROY me prize hibiscus, BREAK me mango tree branch, and TIEF me julie mango!
Speedeet Mudda: (de look on she face could melt IRON)
Speedeet: (hiding behind de couch) Me can explain—
Speedeet Mudda: If de next words out yuh mouth is anything but “sorry,” me guh show you SORRY.
De punishment:
- Apologize to Miss Doreen (done, wid tears)
- Replant de hibiscus (took two days)
- Clean Miss Doreen entire yard every Saturday for ONE MONTH
- No going out to play for TWO WEEKS
- Write “I will not steal Miss Doreen mango” ONE HUNDRED times
Wilar: (visiting Speedeet through de window since he grounded) At least yuh get to eat de mango?
Speedeet: (miserably) Me mudda make me RETURN dem. All twelve.
Wilar: TWELVE?! You said we was picking TWO!
Speedeet: De branch had OTHER plans!
De Truth
Dat Saturday, Speedeet show up at Miss Doreen house with he bucket and broom, ready fuh punishment.
Miss Doreen watch him sweep de whole yard. Weed de garden. Water de remaining flowers. Fix de fence where he climb over. Two and a half hours of HARD WORK in de hot sun.
When he finish, sweating and tired, Miss Doreen come out de house.
Wid a plate.
Two julie mango. Cut up nice. Wid a sprinkle of salt and pepper.
Speedeet: (confused) Dis… dis fuh me?
Miss Doreen: (sitting in she rocking chair) Boy, all you had to do was ASK. Me does give mango to ANYBODY who ask nice. Is de TIEFING me nah tolerate.
Speedeet: (eating de mango, feeling like de biggest fool in Georgetown) …it woulda been easier to just ask, right?
Miss Doreen: (laughing) MUCH easier. But you is yuh fadda son — he did tief de same mango when he was twelve too. It must be in de BLOOD.
Speedeet: (nearly choking) ME FADDA?!
Miss Doreen: Ask he. He know. Same tree. Same branch. Same broom.
Monday morning, Speedeet and Wilar walking to school.
Wilar: So yuh fadda ALSO get catch tiefing Miss Doreen mango?
Speedeet: (shaking he head) And he had de NERVE to punish me! DE NERVE!
Wilar: (laughing) Bai, dat is called PARENTING. Dey punish you fuh de same ting dey used to do.
Speedeet: Is HYPOCRISY!
Wilar: Same ting.
Speedeet: (grinning despite heself) De mango was worth it though. Even de punishment mango Miss Doreen give me? BEST mango me ever eat.
Wilar: Because yuh EARN dat one.
Speedeet: (thinking about it) Yeah. Me did earn dat one.
Wilar: So next time?
Speedeet: NEXT TIME… me just gon ask.
Wilar: (relieved) FINALLY! Some SENSE!
Speedeet: (pause) …unless she say no. DEN we go back to de fence plan.
Wilar: SPEEDEET!
Speedeet: JOKING! Me joking! …mostly.
Next Week: Speedeet & Wilar: De Blackout Adventure
Speedeet & Wilar are two 12-year-old best friends from Pike Street, Kitty. Speedeet is Black and Wilar is East Indian — because in Guyana, friendship don’t see colour, it only see who willing to get in trouble wid you. 🇬🇾