Your daily satirical summary of Guyana’s four major newspapers. We read all four so you don’t have to — but somebody should check if Parliament has a therapist on retainer.
🏛️ BUDGET DAY 2: THE REMATCH NOBODY ASKED FOR
Day Two of the Budget 2026 debate was less parliamentary procedure and more daytime television.
The Government Side came out SWINGING:
| Minister | Claim | Translation |
|---|---|---|
| Vickram Bharrat (Natural Resources) | Oil and gas sector is “one of the best managed in the world” | Among NEW producers. The bar is underground. |
| Susan Rodrigues (Tourism) | PPP delivered 53,000 house lots, 46% to single women | Also announced Guyana hosting CTO conference in October. Tourism budget speech turned housing speech. |
| Sarah Browne (Amerindian Affairs) | Told Dawn Hastings she “sat quiet as a mouse” for 5 years | Browne came with RECEIPTS from the coalition era |
| Zulfikar Mustapha (Agriculture) | Held up a physical five-year GuySuCo plan | Actual prop comedy in Parliament |
| Lenox Shuman (Government MP) | Slammed opposition’s record on Indigenous development | An Amerindian MP defending the PPP — that’s 2026 for you |
The Opposition fired back:
| MP | Argument | Translation |
|---|---|---|
| Sharma Solomon (APNU) | Extractive regions face “structural neglect” and “abject poverty” | Gold and oil come OUT of your region but the money doesn’t come BACK |
| Dawn Hastings (WIN) | Hinterland airstrips deteriorating, electricity unreliable | Got absolutely torched by Browne in response |
| Vishnu Panday (WIN) | Former GuySuCo Estate Manager demands accountability for billions | The man literally WORKED in sugar. He has receipts too. |
| Gordon Barker (WIN) | $183.6B education allocation but where are the results? | Shadow Education Minister’s maiden speech |
| Coretta McDonald (APNU/GTU President) | Education spending only 2% of total budget | Government says you’re building schools. Teachers say the schools are falling apart. |
📊 THE GUYSUCO SHOWDOWN
This one deserves its own section because it was genuinely entertaining.
Government says: Sugar production UP 26.4% — from 47,108 tonnes (2024) to 59,600 tonnes (2025). Five-year plan will return GuySuCo to profitability by 2030. Budget allocates $13.4 billion. Skeldon’s 5,000 hectares finally being planted.
Opposition says: You’ve been pouring BILLIONS into this industry for years. Where’s the profitability? Where’s the accountability? Former estate manager Vishnu Panday called it a “devastated” industry.
Reality check: Minister Mustapha literally held up a document in Parliament like it was the Ten Commandments. The five-year plan includes 3,000 hectares for mechanised harvesting, three new boilers, and five new harvesters. Whether GuySuCo actually makes money by 2030 is another question entirely.
🔒 SPEAKER NADIR’S MEDIA LOCKOUT: NOW IT’S AN EDITORIAL
Stabroek News didn’t just report on the media restrictions — they wrote a full editorial calling it an “unvarnished assault on press freedom.”
Here’s the breakdown:
| Issue | Details |
|---|---|
| Journalists allowed in | Only 5 at a time (down from 17 in past years) |
| ID confiscation | Reporters must surrender national ID cards for temporary badges |
| Broadcasting monopoly | Only DPI (government’s media arm) can broadcast proceedings |
| Speaker’s defence | Claims it’s based on COVID-era agreements with the GPA |
| GPA’s response | Those agreements explicitly said “media will NOT be restricted” and were COVID-specific |
| Kaieteur editorial | Called it a “war on the press” that “must be stopped” |
The Guyana Press Association called it a “direct attack on freedom of the press.” The Arthur Chung Convention Centre has MORE space than the old Parliament building, yet FEWER journalists are allowed.
Speaker Nadir is essentially arguing that the pandemic rules from 2020 — when people were genuinely afraid of dying from a handshake — should apply in 2026. In a bigger building. With no pandemic.
Make it make sense.
💰 OIL FUND WATCH: US$2.8 BILLION INCOMING (AND PROBABLY OUTGOING)
GHK Lall’s column in Kaieteur News lays it out: the Natural Resource Fund expects approximately US$2.8 billion in deposits this year from royalties and profit oil.
His argument? It’ll be gone as fast as it comes, just like every other year. The column describes the government’s approach to the Oil Fund as an “addiction to draining” and notes there’s “no accounting” for how extracted funds are spent.
Meanwhile, Bharrat told Parliament that oil production is now over 900,000 barrels per day — an extraordinary rate for a country that only started producing in 2019.
🌿 9 MILLION CARBON CREDITS: GUYANA GOES GREEN (ON PAPER)
The government announced that ART issued 9,085,923 TREES carbon credits for 2023, now labelled CORSIA-eligible — meaning airlines can use them to offset emissions.
This is Guyana’s third consecutive year earning carbon credits since 2021 under the LCDS. The credits meet the highest international standards for environmental integrity.
Amerindian connection: Minister Browne told Parliament that $14.5 billion from carbon credit revenues has been directly disbursed to Amerindian villages. Fifteen percent went to villages in 2023, 26.5% in 2024, and 21% in 2025.
🇵🇦 PANAMA OPENING EMBASSY IN GUYANA
President Ali met with Panamanian President José Raúl Mulino during a stop in Panama City after his Belize state visit. Key outcomes: Panama will open an embassy in Georgetown, joined the Global Biodiversity Alliance as a founding member, and both countries agreed to collaborate on oil and gas, logistics, agriculture, and security.
Ali continues his regional diplomatic tour like he’s collecting country stamps in a passport.
📚 EDUCATION DEBATE: “FLUFF BUDGET” VS “FUTURE INVESTMENT”
The education sector debate got spicy:
Opposition says: GTU President Coretta McDonald argues education gets only about 2% of central government expenditure — not real prioritisation despite absolute numbers going up. Shadow Minister Gordon Barker questioned whether the $183.6 billion allocation addresses actual operational challenges.
Government says: Minister Parag defended GOAL scholarships (pointed out one WIN MP actually BENEFITED from GOAL while criticising it), touted 66 new nursery schools, 34 primary schools, and 33 secondary schools built since 2020, and referenced the $7 billion school feeding programme.
Parag’s best line was essentially: “You criticised GOAL, but your own MP used GOAL to get his degree.” The “never bite the hand that feeds you” headline basically wrote itself.
🏥 DR. BALWANT SINGH HOSPITAL GOES DIGITAL
The first private hospital in Guyana to launch a patient portal app — patients can book appointments, view medical records, access test results, and manage prescriptions online. CEO Dr. Madhu Singh calls it a major step for healthcare accessibility.
Georgetown in 2026: you can check your blood work on your phone but the road outside the hospital still has potholes from 2019.
⚡ ANOTHER ELECTROCUTION: ESSEQUIBO COAST
Toolsie Ram Singh, 63, died after the boom of his Hiab truck contacted overhead power lines while loading logs at Barakat Dam, Essequibo Coast. This is the SECOND fatal Hiab incident near GPL infrastructure in two weeks — the first was on January 26 in Kitty.
GPL is pleading with contractors to get proper permissions before working near power lines. Apparently, this message hasn’t reached everyone.
🔫 RUPUNUNI UPDATE: ARRESTS IN LEON BAIRD MURDER
Several persons have been arrested in connection with the murder of Rupununi tour guide Leon “Rasta” Baird, whose partially burnt body was found on January 25. His brother told Stabroek News that Leon had been threatened multiple times before his killing, raising concerns about cattle rustling and border security in Region 9.
Also in Region 9: police discovered a shotgun and ammunition in Hiawa Village — a 31-year-old teacher was arrested for unlicensed possession.
🚗 GEORGETOWN PARKING CRACKDOWN
Four vehicles clamped on Camp Street near Church Street. Police have been increasingly aggressive with wheel clamps around Robb and Camp streets since December. One vehicle was reportedly clamped moments after parking.
The message is clear: Georgetown’s parking enforcement has exactly two speeds — completely absent, and instant karma.
🏏 T20 WORLD CUP STARTS FRIDAY!
West Indies open against Scotland in Kolkata on February 7, then face England in Mumbai on February 11, Nepal on February 15, and Italy on February 19.
| Squad Highlights | |
|---|---|
| Captain | Shai Hope |
| Key players | Shimron Hetmyer, Rovman Powell, Jason Holder |
| Returning | Gudakesh Motie (bowling action fixed), Shamar Joseph (back from injury) |
| Coach | Daren Sammy (won it as captain in 2016) |
| Record concern | 14 wins from 43 matches since 2024 T20 WC |
Sammy says “something special is about to happen.” Caribbean cricket fans have heard this before, but hope springs eternal.
CPL 2026 Finals tickets go on sale February 7 — all four knockout matches at Kensington Oval, Barbados in September.
⚽ LADY JAGS U17: 14-0 WIN TO END CAMPAIGN
The Junior Lady Jags demolished St. Vincent and the Grenadines 14-0 in their final Concacaf Women’s U-17 Qualifier in Aruba. Alexaudria Chasles scored SIX goals. Eight different players found the net.
Despite the dominant finish, Guyana exited the tournament — only group winners and the two best second-place teams advance. Jamaica won the group. But 14-0 is 14-0. Remember these names.
🌐 ICANN COMES TO GUYANA
The Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers held its first-ever “ICANN Near You” conference at UG’s Turkeyen campus. The three-day event (Feb 3-5) focuses on internet governance and cyber resilience. UG Vice-Chancellor Professor Paloma Mohamed Martin noted that universities, including UG, increasingly face phishing attacks, impersonation, and system intrusions.
🌍 QUICK HITS
- Commonwealth Law Ministers Meeting in Fiji next week (Feb 9-12) — Guyana attending
- Guyana Development Bank getting US$100M for interest-free loans, no collateral required for farmers — $3M max per loan
- Ali’s unemployment claim: 12.8% → 6.8% (2020 to Q4 2024). Also claims 104,000+ new jobs created and Guyana is short 52,396 workers
- Kaieteur editorial calls PPP’s pursuit of Opposition Leader Mohamed a “big blunder” that’s backfiring — making him more sympathetic
- Caribbean Motor Spares opens sixth branch in Berbice
📊 THE WEEK AHEAD
| Day | What’s Happening |
|---|---|
| Wednesday-Thursday | Budget Debate Day 3-4 |
| Thursday | ICANN conference concludes at UG |
| Friday Feb 7 | T20 World Cup opens — WI vs Scotland |
| Saturday Feb 7 | CPL 2026 Finals tickets on general sale |
| Feb 9-12 | Commonwealth Law Ministers in Fiji |
| Tuesday Feb 11 | BARBADOS GENERAL ELECTION |
💭 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
The government says it’s built 66 nursery schools, 34 primary schools, and 33 secondary schools since 2020. The opposition says education gets only 2% of the budget. The teachers say the buildings are falling apart. The students just want Wi-Fi.
Welcome to Guyana’s education debate, where everybody has statistics and nobody has consensus.
Critical analysis from all four major papers. For the pro-government perspective, see Uncle Ramesh’s response.
Sources: Guyana Chronicle, Stabroek News, Kaieteur News, Guyana Times, ESPNcricinfo, Concacaf