Friday's Guyana Brief - Venezuela Still Scary, MP Falls in Parliament, 53,000 Weed Plants Burned, and the Budget Debate Rolls On Like a Runaway Canter

Good morning, Guyana! ☕

Welcome to Friday, where the President is telling the army not to blink, an MP just discovered that Parliament floors are more dangerous than the opposition benches, police are lighting up 53,000 cannabis plants like the world’s most expensive bonfire, and the budget debate has entered Day Four with politicians still arguing about whether ordinary Guyanese are rich, poor, or just confused.

Today’s menu: Venezuela still wants your land, the GDF needs to move “beyond the battlefield” (but please keep your guns), 30,000 cash grant recipients apparently evaporated after elections, a truck driver gets more charges than he has years of driving experience, and tourism numbers are up because apparently 34,923 people actually chose to visit in January.

Another Friday of progress! 🇬🇾

🪖 VENEZUELA: “DON’T BLINK, DON’T DROP YOUR GUARD” — PRESIDENT ALI TELLS GDF

The Government Spin (Chronicle/Times):

President Ali addressed the GDF Annual Officers’ Conference with what can only be described as a motivational speech crossed with a warning siren. “Guyana must not drop its guard. Guyana must not blink. We must be prepared. We must be ready. We must be ever vigilant.” This is the kind of talk that makes every Guyanese who lives within swimming distance of the Essequibo sleep with one eye open.

The Critical View (Stabroek/Kaieteur):

Ali emphasized that the current political upheaval in Venezuela — with the US now involved — hasn’t reduced the threat one bit. History teaches us that “uncertainty demands preparedness, not wishful thinking.” Meanwhile, the GDF Chief, Brigadier Omar Khan, told officers that defending Guyana’s borders is “non-negotiable.” They’re also testing new boats and expanding drone operations. Finally, some good investment. We might not be able to afford to drive to work, but at least the drones will watch us sitting in traffic.

The Wisecrack: The President says don’t blink. Given the state of Georgetown’s streetlights, most of us have been doing that involuntarily for years.

📊 Venezuela Threat Scorecard: Still scary: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ | Preparedness talk: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ | Actual new military hardware: ⭐⭐⭐

🏛️ MP FRACTURES ANKLE IN PARLIAMENT — MOST DANGEROUS THING TO HAPPEN ON THE OPPOSITION BENCHES ALL WEEK

All Papers:

APNU MP and GTU President Coretta McDonald was rushed to Georgetown Public Hospital after she fell face-first while walking to her seat during Thursday’s budget debate. The fall was so dramatic that proceedings came to an immediate halt. APNU confirmed she fractured her ankle.

The Wisecrack: Parliament is now officially more physically hazardous than the Stabroek Market pavement. At least on the pavement you expect the potholes. The budget debate is so rough even the floor is fighting back. Someone check if the PPP side of the chamber has better flooring — you know, the “transformational” kind.

📊 Parliament Safety Score: Floor condition: ⭐⭐ | First aid response: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ | Comedy value: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

🌿 POLICE BURN 53,000 CANNABIS PLANTS IN LINDEN — REGION 10 ATMOSPHERE “NOTICEABLY IMPROVED”

Stabroek News:

A joint police operation at Yaruni Bend in Linden uncovered two cannabis farms covering eight acres, with 53,000 plants and 800 pounds of dried product. The estimated street value: over $17 million in plants alone. Everything was destroyed by fire. No arrests were made.

The Wisecrack: Eight acres of weed in Linden. EIGHT. That’s not a farm, that’s an agricultural district. And “no arrests were made” — because presumably whoever runs an eight-acre cannabis operation in the bush is not sitting there waiting for police to arrive with a cup of tea. The real question is: who was downwind when they set that on fire? Half of Linden probably had the most relaxed Thursday afternoon of their lives.

📊 Cannabis Farm Stats: Size: 🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿 | Arrests: 0 | Linden air quality after burn: 😌

💰 BUDGET DEBATE DAY 4: EVERYBODY STILL ARGUING ABOUT WHETHER YOU’RE POOR

The Government Spin (Chronicle/Times):

Deputy Speaker Dr. Mahadeo told the opposition to “come here informed!” and rattled off healthcare achievements — telemedicine sites went from 4 in 2022 to 130 this month, drones are being tested for medical deliveries, and 100+ heart surgeries happened in 2025. Minister Teixeira said the PPP/C has moved Guyana forward “consistently, constantly, sustainably” and called opposition arguments “narrow intellectual assessments.” Minister Indar dismissed claims of reckless borrowing and blamed COVID for everything that’s still not fixed.

The Critical View (Stabroek/Kaieteur):

APNU’s Juretha Fernandes accused the government of failing Indigenous communities despite spending $6 trillion since 2020. Terrence Campbell — in his maiden speech — demanded the helicopter crash report be released and called the budget “misguided.” Dr. David Hinds highlighted that public servants who helped write the budget can’t find themselves in it. And Kaieteur’s columnist called the entire budget “matchless propaganda” and suggested the opposition is just helping the PPP put on a show.

The Wisecrack: After four days of debate, here’s what we know: the government says you’re rich, the opposition says you’re poor, and you’re sitting in traffic wondering why nobody asked you.

📊 Budget Debate Progress: Days debating: 4 | Minds changed: 0 | Blood pressure raised: 📈📈📈

👻 THE $3 BILLION GHOST HUNT: DID 30,000 CASH GRANT RECIPIENTS VANISH?

Kaieteur News:

In what might be the most eyebrow-raising arithmetic since someone decided to round pi to 3, Kaieteur is asking where 30,000 cash grant recipients went. Before the 2025 elections, the government budgeted $63 billion for the $100,000 grants — enough for 630,000 adults. Now in 2026, the allocation mysteriously dropped to $60 billion for 600,000 people. Where did 30,000 adults go? Kaieteur is suggesting this might be connected to voter registration padding.

The Wisecrack: Thirty thousand people just vanished. Not in the bush, not across the border, not in the Essequibo. They vanished from the budget. If only Georgetown’s potholes could disappear that efficiently.

📊 Missing Persons Report: People who vanished from budget: 30,000 | Explanations offered: 0 | Eyebrows raised: 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨

📈 TOURISM UP 17.2% — 34,923 BRAVE SOULS VISITED IN JANUARY

Chronicle:

Visitor arrivals hit 34,923 in January 2026, up 17.2% from last year. The US led with 38%, Caribbean visitors at 29%, and Latin America at 13%. The GTA projects 550,000 arrivals by year end. The government is also removing residency requirements for destination weddings because nothing says romance like getting married in a country where the groom’s flight might get cancelled.

The Wisecrack: Nearly 35,000 tourists came in January. We salute their courage. They navigated the traffic, survived the potholes, and presumably enjoyed the authentic cultural experience of watching Guyanese argue about the budget in every rum shop from Corriverton to Charity.

🔫 MAN SHOT DEAD IN QUARTZSTONE BACKDAM DURING POLICE OPERATION

Chronicle:

A man identified as Shemar Latif was fatally shot during a joint police operation at Quartzstone Backdam, Region 7. Police say Latif fired at officers with a 9mm pistol during an operation to apprehend a wanted fugitive. Officers returned fire. A pistol, six live rounds, and spent shells were recovered. This is the bush, not Bourda Market — yet people are walking around with handguns like it’s normal Tuesday.

🛻 TRUCK DRIVER GETS MORE CHARGES THAN DRIVING LESSONS

Chronicle:

The truck driver involved in the fatal Demerara River bridge crash has been hit with additional charges — Causing Death by Dangerous Driving, Failing to Have Proper Control, and Maintenance of a Motor Vehicle. He was already facing Unlicensed Driver, Breach of Insurance, and Faulty Packing. Bail: $2.15 million. The man was driving without a licence. On the bridge. With a faulty truck. And an improperly packed load. At this point, it would be faster to list what he was doing legally.

🚗 DEM BOYS SEH: MORE ROAD, MORE TRAFFIC

Kaieteur News:

Dem Boys hit the nail on the head: “De more road yuh build, de more traffic yuh get. Is like hunger — de more yuh cook, de more people turn up with spoon.” They compared road widening to “buyin’ bigger pants instead of goin’ on a diet.” Today four lanes, tomorrow six lanes, next week we paving people’s yards. Every morning is “Olympic-level preparation” just to reach work on time.

🏫 GUYANA DIGITAL SCHOOL HITS THE ROAD

Stabroek/Chronicle:

The Guyana Digital School launched a national outreach programme, visiting schools to register students and explain how digital learning works. They started at Cummings Lodge Secondary. The goal is to complement regular schooling with online options. In a country where some schools still don’t have reliable electricity, the ambition is impressive. Let’s hope the internet holds up better than the Parliament floor.

🔒 HELICOPTER CRASH REPORT: STILL CLASSIFIED

Kaieteur/Stabroek:

The government says the GDF helicopter crash report is “off limits” because the flight was military, not civilian. Aviation Minister Indar told the Assembly that ICAO’s Annex 13 only applies to civil flights. The opposition is demanding transparency, with Walton-Desir arguing that “families deserve closure” and security-sensitive portions could simply be redacted. Two years on and five servicemen dead. At some point, “classified” starts sounding less like national security and more like national embarrassment.

📊 FRIDAY SCORECARD

Your daily satirical summary of Guyana’s four major newspapers. We read all four so you don’t have to. All satire targets policies and situations, never individuals. Sources: Guyana Chronicle, Stabroek News, Kaieteur News, Guyana Times.

☕ Was this worth your coffee break? Share with a friend who needs a laugh before the weekend!

📬 Subscribe at guyanadailybrief.com for daily updates!