⚠️ DISCLAIMER: Bam-Bam Sally’s Rumor Mill is ENTIRELY FICTIONAL. ALL characters, names, and scenarios are COMPLETELY MADE UP for entertainment purposes. No real persons, businesses, or events are referenced. This is satirical entertainment and complies fully with the Cybercrime Act of Guyana, Section 19 and all applicable provisions.
💅 BAM-BAM SALLY’S RUMOR MILL
Saturday Edition — February 7, 2026
“If yuh ain’t hear it from Bam-Bam Sally, it ain’t worth hearing! And if yuh DID hear it from Sally… is FICTIONAL anyway!” 💋
Chile, is FEBRUARY! Carnival season in de air, Mashramani around de corner, and de GOSSIP flowing like rum at a bottom house wake! Sally ears been BURNING all week!
💍 WEDDING OF THE YEAR… POSTPONED AGAIN
Remember “Priya” and “Marcus” who been planning their big wedding since LAST YEAR? De one with de 500-person guest list, de imported cake from Trinidad, and de THREE outfit changes?
Well, POSTPONED AGAIN! This time, de bride discover de groom been telling he friends dat after de wedding he want to move to… wait for it… SURINAME.
“Priya” say: “Yuh want me leave me mother house, me garden, me whole LIFE to go live where I cyaan even speak de language?”
“Marcus” defense: “But baby, Suriname close. Is just over de river.”
“Priya”: “De Titanic was close to New York too. Look how DAT end.”
Wedding date number FOUR: TBD. De cake shop now charging storage fees. 🎂
🏟️ STADIUM VIP PASS SCANDAL
Word reach Sally dat a certain fictional character name “Ricky” from Linden been SELLING VIP passes for tonight’s stadium opening.
Problem? He ain’t got NO authority to sell NOTHING.
But “Ricky” got a whole OPERATION going. Printed passes on he cousin printer, laminated dem at de stationery shop, and even put a QR code on it dat links to… a YouTube video of goats playing football.
At least 12 fictional people already purchase passes at $5,000 each. When confronted, “Ricky” say: “Is a DONATION, not a purchase. De VIP experience is de BONUS.”
Sir, de only experience you providing is a masterclass in fraud.
Security at Bayroc: check yuh passes CAREFULLY tonight! 🎫
⛏️ MINING CAMP LOVE TRIANGLE
Out in de bush, a fictional saga unfolding. “Dwayne” been working in Puruni for six months and sending ALL he money home to “Shantal” in Georgetown.
What “Dwayne” don’t know? “Shantal” been spending dat money taking “Kevin” to MOVIES, RESTAURANTS, and last week — a COUPLES SPA DAY.
How Sally find out? “Shantal” posted de spa day on social media with de caption “Self-care is self-love” and “Dwayne” camp buddy saw it and said: “But wait… dat look like a MAN hand holding she hand in de hot tub.”
“Dwayne” currently on a boat heading back to Georgetown. “Kevin” currently updating he Facebook status to “In a Complicated Situation.” “Shantal” currently deleting she entire Instagram page.
Sally estimate “Dwayne” arrival time: Sunday morning.
Sally estimate explosion time: Sunday morning + 5 minutes. 💥
🎭 CARNIVAL COSTUME CATASTROPHE
A fictional seamstress name “Beverly” take on FIFTEEN Mashramani costume orders. Due date: February 20.
Current status of orders: THREE done. Twelve to go. Two weeks left.
“Beverly” current strategy: Tell each client they’re “next” and hide when they come to she house.
Monday: “Girl, yours almost done!” Tuesday: “Just waiting on de feathers from Trinidad!” Wednesday: “De glue gun break!” Thursday: “Me hand swelling!” Friday: “Is a spiritual attack on me creativity!”
By Saturday, “Beverly” turn off she phone and tell she daughter to tell anyone who come that she “gone to Berbice for a funeral.”
De funeral of she REPUTATION if she don’t finish dem costumes! 😭
👂 OVERHEARD THIS WEEK
At Bourda Market: “So de Opposition Leader say public servants get nothing.” “WE get nothing EVERY year.” “But dis year we get nothing in de BIGGEST budget.” “So is PREMIUM nothing!”
At a Georgetown rum shop: “Yuh going stadium tonight?” “If ‘Ricky’ pass real.” “Boy, dat QR code does take yuh to goat football.” “…I paying $5,000 fuh goat football?”
At CJIA departures: “Why de American asking me if me pregnant?” “Is de new ting. Visa interview now is basically a doctor visit.” “Next time dem gon ask fuh blood test.”
At a Linden barbershop: “Windies playing Scotland this morning.” “WE go win easy!” “Yuh say dat EVERY tournament.” “And I go KEEP saying it!”
🔮 BAM-BAM’S PREDICTIONS
Based on ABSOLUTELY NOTHING but Sally imagination:
- “Ricky” VIP pass situation gon make de news by Sunday
- At least FIVE people gon claim they “know somebody” involved in de second extradition
- “Dwayne” reaching Georgetown and de drama gon be SPECTACULAR
- “Beverly” gon finish exactly FOUR costumes and flee to Essequibo
- Somebody at de stadium tonight gon propose on de big screen and get REJECTED
💅 SALLY’S CORNER
February here, people! Mashramani season in FULL SWING! De bands rehearsing, de costumes (hopefully) getting finished, and Sally already planning she outfit.
And Valentine’s Day NEXT WEEK! Sally already know at least three fictional couples who gon break up between now and February 14. Is tradition at this point.
Until next week, remember: If yuh ain’t hear it from Bam-Bam Sally, it ain’t worth hearing!
Stay safe, stay scandalous (but legally), and stay GUYANESE! 🇬🇾💅
⚠️ FINAL DISCLAIMER: This entire column is FICTION. ALL characters and scenarios are INVENTED. No real persons are referenced. This is satirical entertainment protected under creative expression. The Guyana Daily Brief does not publish defamatory content and complies fully with the Cybercrime Act of Guyana, Section 19 and all applicable provisions.