⚠️ DISCLAIMER: Bam-Bam Sally’s Rumor Mill is ENTIRELY FICTIONAL satire. All characters, rumors, and scenarios are made up for entertainment purposes. No real individuals are referenced. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely coincidental. This is comedy, not journalism.

🗣️ BAM-BAM SALLY’S RUMOR MILL

Ehhh ehhh ehhh! Wha gwaan people! Is me, Bam-Bam Sally, back from de hairdresser with ALL de news dem don’t print in de papers!

Chile, dis week was SOMETHING. Between de Super Bowl flag drama, pump station confusion, and contractor blacklist, me phone ain’t stop ringing since Monday. Lemme tell you wha me hear…

🏈 Somebody PAID for Dat Flag!

Now, you know me hear dat de Guyana flag at de Super Bowl halftime show wasn’t no accident. A certain well-connected businessman from Richmond Hill, Queens — who shall remain nameless because me ain’t trying to get sue — allegedly reached out to Bad Bunny’s production team and PAID for de Golden Arrowhead to be included.

How much? Chile, de rumor say anywhere from US$50,000 to “a couple drinks and a promise.” Knowing how Caribbean people negotiate, me believe de drinks version.

But HERE is de funny part — de same man who allegedly arranged it is now DENYING it because certain people in Guyana are UPSET about it. He telling everybody “I had nothing to do with it” while his WhatsApp profile picture is LITERALLY a screenshot of de flag on TV.

Sir. SIR. We can SEE your profile picture.

🚜 De Pump Station Contractor Gone Into Hiding

Now dis one is JUICY.

Me hear dat a certain contractor who got a big pump station contract — despite having ZERO experience in pump station construction — has not been seen at the project site in THREE WEEKS.

Workers at de site telling me dat de last time dey saw de contractor, he pulled up in a brand new Prado, took some selfies near de equipment for Instagram, posted it with de caption “Building Guyana’s Future 💪🏗️” and then drove away.

De pump station? Still at de same percentage it was last month. But de Instagram page? THRIVING. Getting sponsorship deals from a paint company. A PAINT COMPANY. For a pump station dat barely got walls.

Meanwhile, de Minister finally publicly admitted de project is behind schedule. A source close to de Ministry tell me dat when he saw de Instagram post, he said two words dat cannot be repeated in a family publication.

📋 De REAL Blacklist

Now dem say thirty contractors get blacklist. But me hear from a VERY reliable source inside de Ministry — and by reliable I mean she does do my nails every other Thursday — dat de original list had FIFTY-SEVEN names on it.

How it went from fifty-seven to thirty? Well, apparently some phone calls were made. Some meetings were had. Some people knew some people who knew some people. And suddenly twenty-seven names just… disappeared.

But HERE is de twist — me also hear dat TWO of de contractors on de blacklist are actually GOOD contractors who made de mistake of doing work for an opposition politician’s private residence. So dey not blacklisted for bad work — dey blacklisted for working on de wrong house.

Allegedly. Bam-Bam Sally don’t confirm nothing. Me just sharing what me hear at de hairdresser.

🗳️ Barbados Election Day Tea

Now, jumping across de Caribbean — me cousin in Barbados (yes, me have family EVERYWHERE, don’t question it) tell me dat Mia Mottley’s campaign team is NERVOUS today.

Not because dey think dey going lose — but because dey worried about HOW MUCH dey going win by. Apparently, winning ALL 30 seats like in 2018 created problems because there was no real opposition in Parliament for years.

So now de strategy is allegedly to WIN, but not win TOO big. How you control dat? You can’t. Which is why me cousin say Mottley campaign HQ has a bar set up for BOTH outcomes — champagne on one side, rum on de other.

Smart woman. Always prepared.

🐄 Cow Thieves Got a SYSTEM

Last one, and dis one have me DYING.

De cattle rustlers in Berbice dat outsmarting de police? Me hear dey operating like a LOGISTICS COMPANY. Dey have a WhatsApp group called “Fresh Beef Delivery” (me can’t make dis up), dey have SHIFTS, and dey even have a man who does scout farms during de day pretending to be a fence salesman.

A FENCE SALESMAN. Selling fences to de very farms dey planning to rob. And people BUYING de fences! De thieves literally telling farmers where de weak spots are and den coming back at night to exploit dem.

De police catch on when one farmer realized dat de “fence salesman” recommended NOT putting a fence on de east side — which is EXACTLY where de cows disappeared from two weeks later.

Somebody need to give dese men a business loan instead of a jail sentence. Dat level of planning should be in a Harvard case study.

Dat is ALL de tea for dis Wednesday, dahling. Remember — Bam-Bam Sally don’t make up NOTHING. Me just repeat what me hear. If it ain’t true, blame de hairdresser!

See you next week! 💅🇬🇾

⚠️ REMINDER: This is entirely fictional satire written for entertainment. No real persons or events are depicted. Bam-Bam Sally is a fictional character.