All characters are fictional. All scenarios are fictional. This is satire.
De boys seh dat a fictional contractor from somewhere on de fictional East Coast recently win a big government job, show up to sign de contract in a brand new truck, and then the very next day de truck wasn’t outside his house no more. De boys say it wasn’t his truck to begin with. De boys say he borrow it from his brother-in-law for de signing because “appearances matter.” De boys say de brother-in-law now want he truck back and de contractor saying it “temporarily unavailable.” De boys watching dis situation closely.
De boys seh dat somebody on a fictional street in a fictional part of Georgetown put in a road repair request three years ago. Last month, a government vehicle finally park up outside de house for four days straight. Everybody was excited. Turns out de driver was visiting he girlfriend two doors down. De road remain exactly as God left it. De driver, however, look very well-rested.
De boys seh dat a fictional community meeting was called to discuss de drainage situation in a certain fictional neighbourhood. Forty people show up. Thirty-five of dem start arguing about something else entirely within the first ten minutes. De remaining five people made a very thorough plan. Nobody has seen de plan since. De drainage, meanwhile, draining as it please.
De boys seh dat a man on a fictional street start a WhatsApp group called “Neighbourhood Watch.” Within one week de group had 47 members, 6 arguments about something that happened in 2019, 3 people selling things, 1 person who only send Good Morning messages with flowers, and zero crime-watching. De man who start de group leave de group. He is now in a different group complaining about de first group.
De boys seh dat a fictional minibus driver on a fictional route recently put up a sign inside his bus saying “No Eating, No Drinking, No Loud Music.” De boys say by de third day, someone had written underneath it in pen: “Den wha dis is — church?” De driver took de sign down. De bus returned to normal operations.
De Boys Seh is a fictional gossip column. Any resemblance to real events is a coincidence and also not our fault.