💅 BAM-BAM SALLY’S SATURDAY SPECIAL
The Column That Knows Everything (Fictionally)
⚠️ DISCLAIMER: This column is entirely fictional entertainment. All names, characters, places, and scenarios are invented. Any resemblance to real persons is coincidental and unintentional. This is satire. The Guyana Daily Brief does not identify or target private individuals. Bam-Bam Sally is a fictional character created for entertainment purposes.
Darlings, Bam-Bam Sally is back.
It’s been a week. You know what I mean. You KNOW.
Let’s talk about it.
💄 THE LIFESTYLE SECTION
ON THE MATTER OF CASH GRANTS AND WHAT PEOPLE DO WITH THEM:
Word from various corners of the city is that the arrival of the national cash grant is producing some very interesting conversations in households across Guyana.
There is, apparently, a category of person who already knew EXACTLY what they were going to do with the money before it arrived. These people have lists. These people have been waiting. These people are efficient and Bam-Bam Sally respects them.
There is a second category of person who said they were going to save it. These people are also respectable. Good intentions, darlings.
There is a third category — and Bam-Bam Sally says this with love — who has already spent it in their imagination seventeen times in seventeen different ways and will need to have a very honest conversation with themselves when the actual amount arrives.
Bam-Bam Sally is not judging. Bam-Bam Sally has been in all three categories at different points in life.
ON THE MATTER OF ELECTRIC MOTORCYCLES:
The Chronicle raised this issue this week and Bam-Bam Sally has THOUGHTS.
There is an electric motorcycle that passes through a certain road near where Bam-Bam Sally’s source lives at approximately 6:45 AM every single morning. It does not slow down for the intersection. It has never slowed down for the intersection. It appears to have made a philosophical decision that the intersection does not apply to it.
Bam-Bam Sally’s source has started setting an alarm for 6:44 AM specifically to look out the window and watch this happen. It is, apparently, very consistent. The motorcycle is always there. The intersection always does not apply.
At some point, predictability becomes its own kind of excellence, I suppose.
ON THE MATTER OF THE WHEELBARROW:
Bam-Bam Sally is not going to comment on the wheelbarrow. That situation is in the courts. Bam-Bam Sally respects the courts.
What Bam-Bam Sally WILL say is that this week produced the most conversations about the practical mechanics of paying debts in small denominations that Bam-Bam Sally has ever witnessed in daily life. The coin question. The legal tender limits. Whether a wheelbarrow constitutes a formal payment method.
People have been discussing this at hairdressers, at markets, on minibuses. The wheelbarrow has entered the national consciousness. Bam-Bam Sally simply observes this. The courts will handle the rest.
🌺 BAM-BAM SALLY’S BEAUTY AND WELLNESS CORNER
This week’s tip: If you are going through something stressful — and given the news cycle, many of us are — Bam-Bam Sally recommends sitting outside in the early evening before the mosquitoes arrive. Just fifteen minutes. Watch the sky change. Let the day be done.
Guyana has very beautiful evenings. We don’t always stop to notice.
Stop and notice.
🍽️ BAM-BAM SALLY’S FOOD CORNER
Dish of the week: Pepper pot. Always pepper pot when the world is complicated. Pepper pot has been making Guyanese feel better since before most of our grandparents were born. There is a reason for this.
If you don’t know how to make pepper pot, Bam-Bam Sally suggests calling a grandmother — yours or someone else’s. They will be delighted to tell you. This is good for the pepper pot AND for the grandmother.
💌 THIS WEEK’S LETTER
Bam-Bam Sally receives letters. This week’s (fictional) letter:
“Dear Bam-Bam Sally, my neighbour has started doing yoga in her backyard every morning at 6 AM and I can see it from my kitchen window while I make tea. It is very athletic. I don’t know if I should say something or just continue watching while I drink my tea. — Morning Tea”
Dear Morning Tea,
Bam-Bam Sally believes that if your neighbour wanted privacy for her yoga, she would do it inside. The backyard is, by definition, outdoors. You are in your kitchen. You are minding your business. You are drinking your tea.
Continue drinking your tea.
— Bam-Bam Sally
🏆 SALLY’S AWARDS THIS WEEK
🥇 Best Use of a Wheelbarrow (Fictional Category): Awarded to no one, because Bam-Bam Sally is not commenting on the wheelbarrow.
🥇 Most Consistent Morning Routine: The electric motorcycle at 6:44 AM.
🥇 Best Financial Planning: Anyone who already knew exactly what they were doing with the cash grant.
🥇 Best Advice Given This Week: Miss Doreen on Pike Street, who apparently gave lemonade and wisdom to a twelve-year-old whose kite landed in her rose bush. The kind of neighbour everyone deserves.
Until Saturday, darlings. Stay fabulous. Stay fictional. Stay legal.
Bam-Bam Sally. Always. 💅
Bam-Bam Sally is a fictional character. This column is entertainment only. All scenarios and characters described are invented. The Guyana Daily Brief complies fully with Guyana’s Cybercrime Act 2018, Section 19.