🎵 [Air horn sound effect] 🎵
GOOD MORNING GUYANA! DJ ROADBLOCK IN DE BUILDING!
It’s your boy, spinning the hits AND the hazards, every week, right here on the Guyana Daily Brief. Buckle up — or don’t, apparently some people don’t — because we have ROAD NEWS.
🛣️ THIS WEEK’S ROAD CONDITIONS
GEORGETOWN CENTRAL
Status: CHAOTIC AS USUAL
Brickdam: Moving, but barely. Peak hours (7-9AM, 4-6PM) are still a test of patience and faith. DJ Roadblock recommends leaving earlier. DJ Roadblock knows nobody will leave earlier.
Regent Street: Fine until it isn’t. Watch for the usual parking situation where people have decided the lane is a personal storage facility for their vehicles.
Camp Street: Construction adjacent areas still creating bottlenecks. Navigate with patience. Or don’t. You’ll navigate with patience eventually anyway.
EAST BANK DEMERARA
Status: ACTUALLY DECENT THIS WEEK
The new Aubrey Barker-Ogle Road linkage is open and residents are reporting genuine relief. This is real infrastructure happening in real time and DJ Roadblock is choosing to be positive about it. New road. Good. Well done.
The highway itself: Moving. Normal congestion at the usual spots. Nothing catastrophic.
EAST COAST DEMERARA
Status: THE USUAL
You know the ECD. You live on the ECD. You don’t need DJ Roadblock to tell you about the ECD. It’s the ECD. It takes as long as it takes and no amount of honking will change this.
WEST COAST BERBICE / BERBICE BRIDGE CORRIDOR
Status: MONITORING
No major incidents this week. Bridge operational. DJ Roadblock always keeps an eye on the bridge situation because the bridge is where dreams die on Friday afternoons.
⚡ SPECIAL REPORT: THE ELECTRIC MOTORCYCLE SITUATION
The Guyana Chronicle dropped the story we have ALL been thinking about: electric motorcycles are causing chaos on Guyana’s roads.
DJ Roadblock has been living this reality for months. Let me explain the problem for those lucky enough to not have encountered it:
The issue: Electric motorcycles are:
- Quiet (you can’t hear them coming)
- Fast (they go from 0 to “appeared out of nowhere” very quickly)
- Cheap (very accessible)
- Being ridden by people who appear to believe traffic laws are a form of cultural suggestion
DJ Roadblock’s observations from the field this week:
| Behaviour | Frequency |
|---|---|
| Running red lights | Daily |
| Riding on pavements | Regularly |
| Weaving between lanes without signalling | Constant |
| Going the wrong way on one-way streets | Alarming |
| The rider looking directly at you while doing all of the above | Spiritually damaging |
The Chronicle says something must be done. DJ Roadblock agrees. The Ministry of Public Works and the Traffic Chief need to have a meeting specifically about this. Registration. Licensing enforcement. Something.
DJ Roadblock is not anti-motorcycle. DJ Roadblock is anti-chaos.
🏗️ INFRASTRUCTURE UPDATE
GOOD NEWS OF THE WEEK: GUYOIL confirms no increase in fuel prices despite the Middle East situation and rising global oil costs. Domestic prices holding steady. This is directly relevant to everyone who drives, which is most of you.
ONGOING: Various road construction projects around Georgetown continue at their own pace. DJ Roadblock has stopped estimating completion dates. You’ll know when you know.
CARIFESTA AVENUE: Still ongoing. DJ Roadblock notes this without further comment.
🚨 DJ ROADBLOCK’S ROAD RULES REMINDER
Since apparently these need to be repeated:
- Indicate before changing lanes. The indicator is not decorative.
- Do not park in the flow of traffic and then look surprised when there is traffic.
- The pedestrian crossing is for pedestrians. Not for parking. Not for vending. For pedestrians.
- Your horn is for alerting people to danger, not for expressing your opinions about how slowly the car in front of you is moving.
- Electric motorcycle riders: You are part of traffic. Traffic has rules. The rules apply to you.
🎵 DJ ROADBLOCK’S TUNE OF THE WEEK
This week’s road anthem: “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen — dedicated to every driver who refused to let the traffic at the Ministry of Finance roundabout defeat them.
You made it through. You always make it through.
Stay safe, signal your turns, and remember: the road is shared infrastructure, not a personal racetrack.
DJ Roadblock out. 🎵
DJ Roadblock’s Traffic & Infrastructure Report runs weekly on the Guyana Daily Brief. All road condition assessments are observational and satirical. Not responsible for actual traffic decisions. Wear your seatbelt.