The Yard Report — straight talk from Kingston to Clarendon. No sugarcoating. No party line. Just yard.

JACDEN: THE SCANDAL THAT REFUSES TO SIT DOWN

The UHWI tax probe keeps producing headlines and the opposition keeps producing statements. JACDEN CEO Dennis Gordon, who is also an opposition shadow cabinet member, was told by Opposition Leader Mark Golding to step aside from the PAC and shadow cabinet pending the probe. Gordon’s response was essentially: no crime, no resign. Which is a position that has been taken before in Jamaican politics, usually by people who later regret taking it. The investigation concerns alleged tax irregularities at the University Hospital. The public is watching. The process is slow. Both of these things are very Jamaican.

FUEL PRICES UP 20% SINCE JANUARY

A burst of weekly increases in March pushed fuel prices in Jamaica up by as much as 20 per cent since the start of the year. E-10 87 now sells for $172.38 per litre. Automotive diesel is at $184.75. The global oil market is the stated reason, and that is true. It is also true that Jamaicans are buying the same fuel at prices their budgets were not built for. The MoBay Chamber president took the opportunity to remind the public that tax dodging makes this worse, which is correct and also the kind of thing that sounds better when your petrol isn’t already $172 a litre.

HURRICANE MELISSA: RECOVERY STILL ONGOING

Months after Hurricane Melissa made landfall as one of the most powerful storms in Jamaican recorded history, recovery is still patchy. The government’s Fisheries Production Incentive Programme has delivered new boats and engines to four more fishers. Mobile clinics are still operating in devastated sections. Tens of thousands of Jamaicans remain in difficult circumstances. The government is doing things. Whether the things being done match the scale of what happened is a separate question, and it is a fair one.

CRIME STATISTICS: THE GOOD NUMBER

Prime Minister Holness announced that January 2026 recorded 33 murders — the lowest January figure since national data collection began in 2001, representing a 55% reduction from January 2025. This is a real number and deserves acknowledgement. Plan Secure Jamaica appears to be producing results in homicide. The caveat: lock-up overcrowding remains a serious concern according to the PCOA, and the prisons office has noted this repeatedly. You can reduce murders and still have a broken detention system. Both things can be true.

CARIFTA: ONE RELAY GOLD, MORE ON THE TABLE

Jamaica dominated the CARIFTA medal table overall but secured only one of the four sprint relay gold medals on Sunday’s second day in Grenada. Given Jamaica’s historical relationship with sprint relays, this is approximately the equivalent of a chef losing a round on a cooking show — surprising but survivable. The team has more events coming. The expectation remains high. It always does.

HOLNESS OPENS RESIDENTIAL FACILITY FOR YOUTH, LAUNCHES CAYMANAS SEZ

On the governance front, PM Holness opened a new state-of-the-art residential facility for young people aged 12–18 at Holders Hill. He also announced the Caymanas Special Economic Zone project, which the government says will generate hundreds of direct and indirect jobs. Both are genuine initiatives. Both will be judged by outcomes rather than announcements.

The Yard Report covers Jamaica news without the gloss. We report what we see, not what we’re told to say. Satire. All stories sourced from real Jamaican media.