⚠️ FULL DISCLAIMER: Bam-Bam Sally and de Rumour Mill is 100% fictional satire. Every character, situation, name, and rumour in this column is invented for entertainment purposes only. No real persons are identified, targeted, or described. This content complies fully with Guyana’s Cybercrime Act. If you think this is about you, it is not, because none of it is about anyone.
“Sally mouth big but Sally heart bigger. Mostly de mouth though.”
Darlings. Pull up. De mill turning.
DE MINISTER AND DE MISSING UMBRELLA
A certain minister — no name, no ministry, purely fictional — apparently arrive at a very important meeting last week without de umbrella he had specifically ask his driver to bring. De driver say he bring it. De minister say he never see it. De umbrella is somewhere between de car and de building and nobody can explain where it go.
Sally find this interesting not because of de umbrella — umbrellas get lost, that is what umbrellas do — but because apparently dis same minister is currently overseeing a project involving very large sums of money and very detailed accounting. If de umbrella disappear between de car and de door, Sally just saying, keep an eye on de accounts.
DE WOMAN WHO KNOW EVERYTHING
There is a woman — fictional, invented, does not exist — who sit at a desk in a certain government building and has been sitting at that desk for twenty-three years. She know where every file is. She know every password. She know which phone never get answered and which one always do. She know which meeting is real and which one is scheduled so that someone have somewhere to be when de other meeting happen.
Sally hear this woman is thinking about retirement.
De entire building is quietly terrified.
Nobody say this out loud because she still sitting at de desk.
DE CONTRACTOR AND DE SECOND QUOTE
A purely fictional contractor — no name, no project, no location — apparently submit a quote for a certain job. De quote come back approved very fast. Faster than normal. Faster than the usual process would allow if de usual process was being followed in de usual way.
A second contractor who also quote on de same job found out de job was already awarded before dey even get a response about their bid.
De second contractor is not happy.
De first contractor is busy.
Sally is just noting de timeline.
DE EASTER MONDAY OBSERVATION
Sally herself was on de seawall Easter Monday and she can report: de kite flying was excellent, de food was plentiful, and two small boys lost a kite in a direction that Sally estimate was Suriname.
Dey look sad for approximately four minutes and den went and buy more string.
Sally think that is de correct response to most setbacks in life. Go buy more string. Come back. Try again. Put a tail on it dis time.
BAM-BAM SALLY FINAL WORD
De Corentyne River fees situation still not resolved. De Wales Gas-to-Energy project director is apparently connected to something in Venezuela that nobody has fully explained yet. De GYEITI transparency dispute is ongoing. De digital driver registry is coming.
Sally is watching all of it.
Sally always watching.
“Darling, if yuh doing something you shouldn’t, de only question is whether Sally hear about it before or after everybody else.”
She usually hear first.
Bam-Bam Sally and de Rumour Mill publishes every Wednesday. All content is 100% fictional. Bam-Bam Sally is a satirical character who does not exist. The Guyana Daily Brief operates in full compliance with Guyana’s Cybercrime Act Section 19. No real persons are identified or targeted in this column.