Good morning! Auntie Cheryl calling from Chaguanas, just finished my puja and ready to talk news!

NGC MADE THREE BILLION DOLLARS AND AUNTIE CHERYL IS PLEASED

Three billion, two hundred and eighty-five million dollars profit! Best year in eleven years! Kamla announced it in Parliament yesterday and Auntie Cheryl nearly choked on her sada roti. Stuart Young came out immediately to say it’s not Kamla’s doing — but Stuart, darling, somebody has to be in charge when the numbers look good, and the lady standing at the podium seems to have found that position. Auntie Cheryl will take the win.

THE CARICOM SITUATION IS GETTING SPICY

Now look. Auntie Cheryl loves this region. She has cousins in six islands. But when things reach the point where the Prime Minister is publicly saying the CARICOM Secretary-General must go — in April, publicly, after everything that happened at the Basseterre summit — well, darling, somebody’s group chat is on fire and it isn’t the good kind. President Ali was just shaking Kamla’s hand in Port of Spain Friday afternoon about trade and soybeans. Meanwhile the regional family meeting is in shambles. Auntie Cheryl doesn’t know how they do it. She can barely manage her own family WhatsApp.

TOBAGO VANDALISM IS NOT ACCEPTABLE

Someone went around removing electrical cables from WASA facilities in Tobago and disrupted the entire island’s water supply. Nine people detained. Farley Augustine is disappointed. Auntie Cheryl is more than disappointed — she is vexed. You go and sabotage water infrastructure? That is not activism, that is stupidness, and whoever taught you otherwise should be ashamed.

THE LITTLE GIRL IN GASPARILLO

A six-year-old in critical condition after a pool incident at a Gasparillo recreation facility. Auntie Cheryl is praying. That is all. Pray with her.

RED FORCE CRICKET! AUNTIE CHERYL IS WATCHING

The Red Force going to Antigua to play the Leeward Islands Hurricanes. First match starts April 12. Auntie Cheryl will be following the scores between cooking. Da Silva is captain. The boys have senior international experience. Let us show the Hurricanes what twenty years of patience looks like when it finally runs out.

UNDER-19 BLAZERS WIN THE CUP

Brendan Boodoo — this young man scored a century to open the tournament and scored a century to finish it. Unbeaten 101 in the final. 138-run partnership. Blazers win by 60 runs. Auntie Cheryl has written his name in her prayer book for future greatness.

AMIEE SOOMAI

13-year-old. Missing. If you know anything, please call the police. Auntie Cheryl is begging you.

Auntie Cheryl is a satirical commentary column covering Trinidad and Tobago with great enthusiasm. She is not a real auntie, but she feels like one.