Good morning. Pour some bitters in your cocoa tea and settle in.

PERSAD-BISSESSAR DEMANDS CARICOM SECRETARY-GENERAL EXIT

Trinidad’s row with its Caribbean neighbours — simmering since the disputes over US drug policy, Venezuela, and the reappointment of the CARICOM Secretary-General — boiled over publicly on Friday. PM Persad-Bissessar is now demanding that the Secretary-General not receive another term past August. The fight is officially no longer subtext. What began as a disagreement about procedures at the Basseterre summit has become a Caribbean diplomatic fracas of the first order. Guyana’s President Ali, notably, had just shaken hands with Persad-Bissessar in Port of Spain hours earlier on the bilateral trade agenda, which means the region is simultaneously having a unity summit and a breakup. This is the Caribbean. Both things fit on the same Friday.

TOBAGO’S WATER INFRASTRUCTURE VANDALISED

Multiple WASA facilities in Tobago were vandalised this week — electrical cables removed, water supply disrupted across the island. Nine suspects have been detained. Chief Secretary Farley Augustine is disappointed, which is approximately the mildest word available for describing infrastructure sabotage. Tobago has had a rough few weeks.

NGC RECORDS BEST PROFIT IN ELEVEN YEARS

The National Gas Company posted a profit after tax of $3.285 billion for 2025 — highest in eleven years. PM Persad-Bissessar announced it in Parliament and claimed it as evidence of improved management under her administration. Former Energy Minister Stuart Young immediately issued a statement arguing she was taking credit for results achieved under the previous government. So that’s happening.

SIX-YEAR-OLD CRITICAL AFTER POOL INCIDENT IN GASPARILLO

A six-year-old girl was found unresponsive in a pool at a recreational facility in Gasparillo on Friday afternoon. She was taken to hospital in critical condition. No further details have been released. This deserves more than a line.

THE GHANY MURDER INVESTIGATION CONTINUES

The woman arrested in connection with the killing of businessman Steve Ghany Junior has given a recorded statement and accompanied police to the crime scene. Investigators believe the motive was domestic. The case is active.

RED FORCE HEADING TO ANTIGUA

The T&T Red Force cricket squad departs for Antigua, where they’ll face the Leeward Islands Hurricanes in three bilateral West Indies Championship matches beginning April 12. The Red Force haven’t sat atop the regional four-day table in twenty years. This is either the year that changes or evidence that cricket is also complicated.

UNDER-19 CRICKET FINALS

Scarlet Blazers captain Brendan Boodoo bookended the T&T Under-19 Cup with a century — he started with one and finished with an unbeaten 101 in the final, helping the Blazers beat the Cocrico Warriors by 60 runs. Boodoo is the kind of cricketer people will be saying they always knew about in five years.

AMIEE SOOMAI: STILL MISSING

The T&T Police Service is seeking the public’s urgent help in locating 13-year-old Amiee Soomai. If you know anything, contact the police.

Trini Dispatch is a satirical news column covering Trinidad and Tobago. For real news, try the Trinidad Guardian or the Trinidad Express.