⚠️ DISCLAIMER: Back-a-Truck is a FICTIONAL satirical classifieds column. ALL listings, persons, and scenarios are COMPLETELY MADE UP for entertainment purposes. No real persons, businesses, or products are referenced. Do NOT attempt to contact any “sellers” listed here — they don’t exist! FOR ENTERTAINMENT ONLY.
🚛 BACK-A-TRUCK! SATURDAY EDITION!
Aye! Back de truck up, people! January clearance sale happening! Everybody trying to offload before February and Mashramani expenses kick in!
🏠 PROPERTY & HOUSING
FOR RENT: “Cozy” One-Bedroom in Kitty “Cozy” meaning you can touch all four walls from de bed. But it got running water (most days), electricity (when GPL feeling generous), and a window dat opens (if you push REALLY hard). Perfect for a single person who don’t own too many things. Or any things. Asking: $45,000/month. Serious inquiries only. “Serious” meaning you actually got $45,000.
FOR SALE: Plot of Land, Somewhere on de East Coast Previous owner say is “prime real estate.” Current status: underwater six months of de year. But when it DRY? Beautiful. Comes with complimentary frogs and a drainage trench dat may or may not connect to anything. Asking: $2.5 million. Bring yuh own pump.
🚗 VEHICLES
FOR SALE: 2003 Toyota Fielder — “Budget 2026 Special” Just like de budget — LOOKS impressive on paper. AC works (when it want to). Engine sound healthy (if you play music loud enough). Four tires (three matching). Previous owner was a “careful driver” (drove carefully to avoid de potholes on EVERY road). Asking: $1.2 million OBO. Will accept partial trade for a functioning lawnmower.
FOR SALE: Wheelbarrow — “Contractor’s Starter Kit” One slightly used wheelbarrow. Perfect for starting yuh own infrastructure company! Just add two workers and a government contract and you SET. Has carried cement, sand, gravel, and de dreams of at least three failed projects. Asking: $15,000. Comes with a hard hat and a prayer.
📱 ELECTRONICS & TECH
FOR SALE: Generator — “GPL Insurance Policy” 5KVA generator, works perfectly every time GPL decide to take a “scheduled outage” (read: random blackout). Has been more reliable than de national grid since 2019. Comes with enough fuel for approximately 47 blackouts. Asking: $180,000. Worth every cent during cricket season.
FOR SALE: Satellite Dish — “Budget 2026 Surplus” After hearing de budget numbers, dis man decided he don’t need TV anymore. Reality already MORE dramatic dan any soap opera. Dish in excellent condition. Comes with remote dat only works if you hold it at exactly 43 degrees and press both buttons simultaneously. Asking: $25,000 or trade for a bottle of XM and some cheese rolls.
👔 JOBS & SERVICES
WANTED: Experienced Driver — Must Have ACTUAL Licence After recent events on de Demerara River Bridge, a FICTIONAL transport company now requiring ALL drivers to have — revolutionary concept here — A VALID DRIVER’S LICENCE matching de vehicle category. Requirements: Must know what brakes are. Must understand gravity. Must not be afraid of bridges. Pay: Negotiable. Survival not guaranteed but encouraged.
OFFERING: Budget 2026 Explanation Services Can’t understand de $1.558 trillion budget? Neither can we! But we’ll sit with you, read de document together, and be confused AS A TEAM. Group rates available. Rate: $5,000 per session. Snacks included. Answers NOT included.
🐔 LIVESTOCK & AGRICULTURE
FOR SALE: Six Chickens — “De Egg-onomics Package” Six healthy hens, laying daily. In dis economy, eggs is GOLD. While politicians arguing about budgets, dese chickens producing REAL returns on investment. Better performance than de stock exchange. Asking: $3,000 each or $15,000 for all six. Free consultation on backyard farming included.
FOR SALE: Pepper Plants — “EU Export Ready” After hearing dat de EU want Guyanese agricultural products, dis enterprising farmer started growing wiri wiri peppers “for export.” Currently producing enough peppers to burn down a small European village. Asking: $500 per plant. Buyer assumes all liability for international pepper-related incidents.
🎭 MASHRAMANI SPECIALS
FOR SALE: Mashramani Costume — “Republic Glam” Sequins, feathers, beads, and enough glitter to be seen from space. Worn once at a fete and somehow multiplied into three costumes worth of materials. Perfect for de upcoming celebrations. Asking: $35,000. Glitter removal from your house NOT included.
FOR HIRE: Mashramani Float Decorator Need yuh truck looking FANCY for de parade? We got paint, we got banners, we got imagination. We DON’T got engineering degrees, so structural integrity is “best effort basis.” Rate: Starting at $50,000. Results may vary. Dramatically.
🤝 FREE & COMMUNITY
FREE: January 2026 Newspapers (Complete Collection) One month’s worth of all four Guyanese newspapers. Perfect for wrapping fish, lining bird cages, or reliving de Budget 2026 drama one more time. Warning: Reading de letters section may cause elevated blood pressure. Location: Pickup in Bourda. Ask for “De News Man.”
FREE: New Year’s Resolution Gym Membership (Remaining 11 Months) Signed up January 2. Went January 3. Went January 5. Ain’t go back since. Full year membership at a fictional Georgetown gym. Treadmill not included (it broke anyway). Contact: Just show up and say “I know de January person.”
🚛 BACK-A-TRUCK COMMUNITY NOTICE
Remember people: February is Mashramani month! If you selling costumes, offering float services, or got party supplies — Back-a-Truck is de place to list!
Also, if anybody got a functioning GPS dat can navigate Georgetown without sending you down a one-way street de WRONG way, Sally interested. DM de page.
Back-a-Truck every Saturday! Sell wha yuh got, buy wha yuh need, and barter de rest! 🚛🇬🇾
⚠️ REMINDER: ALL listings are FICTIONAL. Do not attempt to purchase any items listed. This is satirical entertainment. No real persons, businesses, or products are referenced.