⚠️ DISCLAIMER: De Rumor Mill is PURELY FICTIONAL entertainment. ALL characters, scenarios, and “rumors” are COMPLETELY MADE UP. No real persons, living or dead, are referenced or implied. This is satirical comedy about FICTIONAL situations. Any resemblance to actual events or persons is entirely coincidental. Please don’t call we lawyer. We ain’t got one. This publication complies with all applicable laws including the Cybercrime Act of Guyana. FOR ENTERTAINMENT ONLY.
🔥 WELCOME TO DE RUMOR MILL!
CHILE! Is ya girl Bam-Bam Sally coming at you LIVE from de bottom house! January ending and de tea pot OVERFLOWING! Grab yuh Milo, grab yuh Banks, grab yuh whatever keep you calm — because DIS TEA HOT ENOUGH TO SCALD!
🔥🔥🔥 HOTTEST FICTIONAL RUMORS OF DE WEEK
🔥 RUMOR #1: De “Budget Calculator” Who Can’t Add
Heat Level: 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Word from de fictional bottom house is dat a CERTAIN person who does appear on TV every budget season to “break down de numbers” actually got FIRED from dey accounting job ten years ago fuh — wait for it — GETTING DE NUMBERS WRONG.
Now dis same person on every panel, every show, every Facebook live, explaining to YOU how trillion-dollar budgets work. Meanwhile, dey personal finances looking like a plantain dat left in de sun too long — BROWN and QUESTIONABLE.
Sally ain’t naming names because Sally ain’t know no names. But if de shoe fit… wear it wid yuh wrong calculations!
Sally’s Verdict: 🤣 Sometimes de biggest experts is de biggest pretenders!
🔥 RUMOR #2: De Government Vehicle Joy Rider
Heat Level: 🔥🔥🔥🔥
A FICTIONAL little birdie tell Sally dat a certain government vehicle — one of dem nice, shiny SUVs wid de tinted glass — been spotted at a beach resort on a WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON.
Now, last time Sally check, Wednesday is a WORK DAY. And dat vehicle supposed to be transporting OFFICIAL BUSINESS. Unless “official business” now include jet ski rides and coconut water on de seawall.
De fictional driver reportedly told a fictional security guard: “Is official recreation.” OFFICIAL RECREATION! Dat is a new one! Sally want to know where SHE could apply fuh dat kind of work!
Sally’s Verdict: 🏖️ If government work come wid beach days, SIGN ME UP!
🔥 RUMOR #3: De Contractor Who Build With Prayers
Heat Level: 🔥🔥🔥
A COMPLETELY FICTIONAL contractor reportedly won a BIG infrastructure contract and showed up to de site with… two workers and a wheelbarrow.
TWO WORKERS. AND A WHEELBARROW.
Fuh a project dat supposed to cost MILLIONS. De fictional site engineer looked at de “team” and asked, “Where de rest of de crew?” De contractor reportedly said: “Dem coming. Eventually.”
Three fictional months later? De wheelbarrow still there. De two workers? Gone. De contractor? Driving a new car.
Sally can’t confirm because Sally FICTIONAL. But she HEARING things from de FICTIONAL grapevine.
Sally’s Verdict: 🏗️ In Guyana, some contracts come wid equipment. Some come wid prayers!
🔥 RUMOR #4: De Embassy Party Crasher
Heat Level: 🔥🔥🔥🔥
ALLEGEDLY — and by allegedly Sally mean COMPLETELY MADE UP — a FICTIONAL socialite been attending EVERY embassy function in Georgetown. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.
Now dis person ain’t got no invitation to NONE of dem. But somehow dey always inside, glass of wine in hand, talking to ambassadors like dey best friends since primary school.
De fictional security at one embassy reportedly started calling dem “De Regular” and just wave dem through. One fictional diplomat reportedly asked: “Is dat person from de Foreign Ministry?” and somebody whispered: “No, dat person from de AUDACITY Ministry.”
Sally’s Verdict: 🥂 Confidence is free. Apparently, so is embassy champagne!
🔥 RUMOR #5: De New Year’s Resolution Gym Disaster
Heat Level: 🔥🔥
A FICTIONAL gym in Georgetown reportedly had SO MANY New Year’s resolution sign-ups in January dat de treadmills literally broke down from overuse. By January 15, half de new members already stop coming. By January 31 — TODAY — de gym manager reportedly said: “We back to normal. Same ten people.”
De fictional gym owner now considering a “February Comeback Special” for everybody who already quit. Smart business move!
Sally’s Verdict: 🏋️ January gym crowds is de most reliable fiction in de world!
💅 SALLY’S CORNER
January 2026 DONE, people! And what a month it was! Budget dropped, UK Deputy PM visited, Bangladesh opening embassy, ExxonMobil breaking records, horse racing starting tomorrow, Mashramani celebrations rolling, and Sally STILL ain’t get she invite to de embassy cocktail party.
But February coming HOT! Mashramani season in FULL swing! De costume bands preparing, de calypso monarchs rehearsing, and Sally already got she outfit ready.
Until next week, remember: If yuh ain’t hear it from Bam-Bam Sally, it ain’t worth hearing! And if yuh DID hear it from Sally… well, is FICTIONAL anyway!
Stay safe, stay scandalous (but legally), and stay GUYANESE! 🇬🇾💅
⚠️ FINAL DISCLAIMER: This entire column is FICTION. ALL characters and scenarios are INVENTED. No real persons are referenced. This is satirical entertainment protected under creative expression. The Guyana Daily Brief does not publish defamatory content and complies fully with the Cybercrime Act of Guyana, Section 19 and all applicable provisions.