The Daily Brief
Saturday, January 24, 2026
Your satirical summary of Guyana’s news — Read all four papers in 5-6 minutes so you don’t have to!
🏛️ OPPOSITION LEADER DRAMA: THE LONGEST ELECTION EVER
The Headlines:
- APNU says they’ll likely abstain from Opposition Leader vote
- Mohamed says he’s “scared” ahead of Monday’s vote
- APNU warns cut borrowing for Budget 2026 as oil prices slide
The Brief: So Monday’s the big day, right? Wrong. We’ve been saying “Monday’s the big day” since September. Azruddin Mohamed, the US-indicted gold dealer who somehow controls a quarter of the National Assembly, is apparently “scared” about the Opposition Leader vote. Scared of what? Losing? Winning? Having to explain to his American lawyers why he’s running a country instead of running from an extradition warrant?
Meanwhile, APNU says they’ll “likely abstain” from voting. Imagine having 12 seats in Parliament and your big political strategy is to… not vote. That’s like going to a cook-up and just standing in the corner watching everyone eat.
But wait — Guyana Times says APNU “will not oppose” Mohamed. So they’re not voting FOR him, not voting AGAINST him… they’re just vibes-ing in the chamber?
The Western diplomats met with Speaker Nadir yesterday for an “interesting” meeting. Interesting how? Like “interesting” when your mother-in-law says your cooking is “interesting”? We need details, people!
💰 BUDGET 2026: ANOTHER “LARGEST EVER” INCOMING
The Headlines:
- APNU warns against “reckless” borrowing with oil prices sliding
- Budget 2026 to be presented Monday
- Editorial: “The Budget Test”
The Brief: Here we go again! Budget 2026 drops Monday, and you already know what Finance Minister Ashni Singh gon say: “This is the LARGEST budget in Guyana’s history!”
You know what else is the largest in Guyana’s history? Our expectations for change. And our disappointment when we realize the money still going to the same contractors with the same overruns on the same projects.
APNU raising alarm about oil prices dropping and government borrowing too much. They saying another “largest budget” would be a “reckless gamble.” But let’s be real — APNU warning the government about fiscal responsibility is like letting the man who crashed your car teach you to drive.
Kaieteur’s editorial asking whether government will pass “The Budget Test.” Spoiler alert: The test is multiple choice and all the answers are “more billions for infrastructure projects that never finish on time.”
🏢 BARAMA DROPS $1 BILLION… ON PLYWOOD
The Headlines:
- Barama injects $1B to boost plywood production capacity
- Company introducing waterproof plywood
The Brief: Barama just dropped a cool BILLION dollars on their plywood operation. Waterproof plywood coming!
You know Guyana flooding every other week, so this is actually genius business. Soon they gon market it as: “Barama Plywood — Still floating when your house underwater!”
Meanwhile, all the lumber thieves in Berbice reading this headline and calculating how many truckloads they need to make their billion.
🗑️ TRASH TALK: THE SOLID WASTE CONSULTATION
The Headlines:
- Solid Waste Management Bill consultation held
- Manickchand warns: National development hinges on fixing waste disposal
The Brief: Minister Manickchand telling everybody that Guyana can’t develop if we don’t fix our waste disposal. She’s right, you know. We does talk about becoming the Dubai of the Caribbean, but Dubai doesn’t have goats grazing on garbage piles in the middle of the highway.
The Solid Waste Management Bill consultation happening. Finally! A whole Bill just for garbage. Though some people would argue we already have plenty garbage… in Parliament.
Ba dum tss 🥁
🚗 DERELICT VEHICLES: EDGHILL HAD ENOUGH
The Headlines:
- “Total disrespect now” – Edghill orders immediate removal of derelict vehicles
- Vehicles blocking roads and community spaces
The Brief: Public Works Minister Edghill finally snap. “TOTAL DISRESPECT NOW!” he shouting about all the abandoned vehicles blocking roads.
Every neighborhood in Guyana has that one car that been sitting on blocks since 2014. The bush growing through it, birds making nest in the engine, and the owner still saying “I gon fix it next month.”
Edghill say remove them IMMEDIATELY. Now watch — suddenly everybody gon find their registration papers.
⚖️ COURTS CORNER
The Headlines:
- Chancellor orders Court of Appeal to reduce over 2,000 backlogged cases
- Businessman slapped with $300K bail in fraud case
- Diplomats meet with Speaker Nadir
The Brief: Chancellor tell the Court of Appeal to reduce 2,000+ backlogged cases. Some of these cases been pending so long the defendants done dead and resurrect twice.
A businessman get $300K bail for fraud. Three hundred thousand dollars bail. That’s literally the fraud amount for some of these cases. So basically he bail himself out with money he might have stolen? Beautiful circular economy we building here.
🌱 PRESIDENT ALI’S SHADE HOUSE
The Headlines:
- Pres Ali launches “game-changing” shade house project in Georgetown
The Brief: President Ali launch a shade house project and calling it “game-changing.” A shade house! For plants!
Look, we not saying agriculture isn’t important. But Guyanese on social media seeing “GAME-CHANGING” and expecting oil refinery, deep water port, maybe a bridge to Venezuela to collect we Essequibo.
Instead we get… fancy gardening.
But you know what? In this economy, if he can grow some tomatoes that don’t cost $800 per pound, that IS game-changing. Carry on, Mr. President.
🌍 INTERNATIONAL NEWS
The Headlines:
- Venezuela interim president moves to overhaul oil law
- Trump touts “total access” Greenland deal as NATO asks allies to step up
- INTERPOL busts gold smuggling ring in Guyana
The Brief: Venezuela changing their oil laws. You know Guyana watching and taking notes… then putting the notes in a drawer and signing whatever contract Exxon wants anyway.
Trump still trying to buy Greenland. At this rate, he gon try to annex Essequibo before Venezuela does.
INTERPOL bust a gold smuggling ring right here in Guyana. Shocked Pikachu face You mean to tell me people have been smuggling gold in the country where gold dealers running for Opposition Leader? Unbelievable!
🏏 SPORTS QUICK HITS
- Guyana women beat Jamaica in CWI Blaze T20 Championships
- West Indies preparing for Afghanistan T20 series in Dubai
- Cycling season kicks off with WND Park Series despite rain
😂 DEM BOYS SEH
“Violence in schools nah new, but we gotta deal with it smart.”
Dem boys right. Student fighting teacher, teacher fighting student, parent fighting everybody. If we keep this up, we gon need WWE referees in every classroom.
📊 THE BOTTOM LINE
What to watch Monday:
- Budget 2026 presentation — How many billions this time?
- Opposition Leader vote — Will APNU actually show up?
- Whether Azruddin Mohamed actually gets the job while under US indictment
What won’t change:
- Traffic on Sheriff Street
- The price of chicken
- Government blaming everything on the previous government
That’s your Daily Brief! Now you’ve read all four papers without actually reading any of them. You’re welcome.
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© 2026 The Guyana Brief. All rights reserved. No actual politicians were harmed in the making of this satire.