YO. It’s Friday. Big man Friday. DJ Roadblock coming to you live from the top of the Demerara Harbour Bridge, which is currently in the UP position and has been for twenty-three minutes. I am broadcasting from a Corolla that has not moved since 6:47 AM. The driver next to me is eating boil-and-fry corn. We have made eye contact. We are friends now.

THE BRIDGE SITUATION

The Harbour Bridge went up at 6:40 AM for a vessel passage. The vessel was “expected to pass in fifteen minutes.” It has now been thirty-one minutes. The vessel appears to be having some kind of dispute with the tug. Witnesses on the east bank say the captain is visible on the deck gesturing in what appears to be patois. The tug is not responding. The tide is turning. This could be another hour.

Estimated clear time: 9:30 AM. Maybe. Don’t quote me.

MANDELA AVENUE — THE USUAL

Mandela Avenue: COMPLETELY SEIZED UP from Aubrey Barker Road all the way to the Kitty intersection. A maxi taxi broke down at the corner by Bourda Market. The driver is under the hood. The conductor is leaning on the side of the bus eating a pine tart. Passengers have disembarked and are walking. A dog has joined the walking group. The dog does not have a destination but appears committed.

Alternative routes: Sheriff Street (also seized but moving slightly). East Coast Highway via Liliendaal (faster but you’ll hate yourself).

REGENT STREET — ACCIDENT AT CAMP

Fender bender at Regent and Camp. Two vehicles, no injuries, but both drivers are refusing to move their cars until the police arrive. Police have been called. Police are “on the way.” Police have been “on the way” since 7:15 AM. It is now 7:48 AM. Both drivers have bought snacks from the roti shop on the corner and are now casually discussing cricket. Traffic behind them has backed up to Water Street.

If you need to go through the commercial district today: don’t. If you MUST: use Lamaha Street and pray.

EAST COAST HIGHWAY — ROADWORK AT MON REPOS

The contractor at Mon Repos has once again decided that Friday morning is a great time to dig up half the highway. They have been “almost finished” for six weeks. Today they have announced they are “almost, almost finished.” One lane is closed. The other lane is alternating. The traffic warden managing the alternation appears to be new. He is waving both directions through simultaneously. This is not working.

Expect 25-40 minutes added to any East Coast commute. Pack water. Pack patience. Pack a book.

EAST BANK — THE GAS QUEUES

Following President Ali’s announcement about coming price increases, every gas station on the East Bank has a queue extending onto the road. The Esso at Peter’s Hall is backed up to the MovieTowne turn. The Guyoil at Eccles is backed up past the housing scheme. People are siphoning. This is not advisable. This is happening anyway.

If you don’t need gas right now, don’t join the queue. The price hasn’t gone up yet. You are creating the shortage you fear.

SHERIFF STREET AT SHOWCASE CINEMAS

A car is parked in the middle of the inside lane with its hazards on. Nobody is in it. Nobody knows whose it is. It has been there since yesterday. Someone has stuck a Post-it note on the windshield that says “MOVE YOUR CAR.” The Post-it has been there for five hours. The car has not moved. A crow has landed on the hood. The crow knows things we don’t.

Traffic is flowing around it, but slowly. Add ten minutes to any Sheriff Street run.

PROVIDENCE — STADIUM CROWD

Providence Stadium is hosting a Global Super League practice session this afternoon, which means tour buses are already lining up at 8 AM for a 4 PM start because somebody told somebody that “parking was limited.” Parking is not limited. Parking is actually fine. But now that everybody has arrived eight hours early, parking is VERY limited.

If you work in Providence: leave early or stay late. There is no middle option today.

LIGHTHOUSE CIRCLE — POLICE CHECKPOINT

Random traffic stop at Lighthouse Circle this morning. They are checking insurance, registration, and driver’s permits. They are also apparently checking vibes. A guy in front of me was pulled over because, quote, “yuh look like yuh know something.” He did not know anything. He was released fifteen minutes later looking slightly existential.

Expect 10-15 minute delays through the Lighthouse roundabout. Have your documents ready. Do not have the vibe.

WEATHER UPDATE

Clear skies, high of 31°C, humidity at “Guyana.” No rain expected until around 4 PM, at which point it will absolutely rain and someone will complain about traffic.

DJ ROADBLOCK’S FRIDAY MORNING MANTRA

It’s Friday. The weekend is coming. The bridge will come down eventually. The accident on Regent will get cleared eventually. The guy on Sheriff Street will come get his car eventually — probably.

Breathe. Turn up the radio. Drink water. Don’t engage the guy in the van next to you who is clearly trying to start something.

Roadblock Out. Back at 11 AM with the midday update. If you’re on the bridge with me right now: wave.

— DJ Roadblock