Oh Godddd it’s me Auntie Cheryl from Chaguanas coming to tell allyuh THE NEWS because I cannot hold it in another minute, my phone have 14 missed calls and 200 WhatsApp messages and people in de family is cryin’ happy cryin’ sad and cryin’ confused ALL AT DE SAME TIME and I will explain EVERYTHING.

Put on de kettle. Sit down. Let Auntie tell yuh.

DE PENSION TAX GONE!!!! 🙌🙌🙌

Darling. DARLING. Let me tell yuh what happen today.

Dey pass de Finance Bill and de pension money — de money you work YEARS to put aside — IT GOIN’ BE TAX FREE.

You hear me? TAX FREE.

Me Uncle Ralph — Uncle Ralph who does complain about EVERYTHING, Uncle Ralph who one time complain about de SUN — Uncle Ralph call me dis morning at 6:14 AM and he say “Cheryl. Cheryl. I have to tell yuh somethin’.” I thought somebody dead. I thought de dog dead. I thought de CAT dead.

No. Uncle Ralph say, “Dey not goin’ tax me pension no more.” And then Uncle Ralph — de same Uncle Ralph who have NEVER said a good thing about any government in 47 years — Uncle Ralph say, “Somebody finally use dey brain.”

I almost drop de phone.

Me Auntie Lisa is retire next year. She been doing de mathematics, workin’ out how much dey was goin’ to take. She tell me dis mornin’ she goin’ take de money and redo she kitchen. She been wanting a new kitchen for EIGHTEEN YEARS. Eighteen years. And now she getting it because somebody in de Ministry of Finance finally remember dat pensioners is PEOPLE.

GOD BLESS DE FINANCE MINISTER. I don’t even know who he is but God bless him. Bless his family. Bless his mother.

DE PROCUREMENT WATCHMAN!!!

Listen. I don’t even know what de “Procurement Regulator” was BEFORE dis week. I thought it was a committee. I thought it was three people who go to meetings and eat doubles.

But THIS WEEK. THIS WEEK darling. De Procurement Regulator STOP — ALL BY HIMSELF — a THREE POINT FOUR BILLION dollar HDC contract. BILLION! With a B! B for Bless!

And — and listen to dis part — he stop it AFTER de Minister went on television and said everything was fine. AFTER. After de Minister on de TV. After de Minister dress up in he tie.

De Regulator say — and I am imagining him say it — “Not today, Minister.”

NOT TODAY, MINISTER.

Darling. Darling darling darling. You don’t understand how much I NEEDED to hear about a Regulator saying not today. We does all be wondering: where is de watchman? Who watching de watch-peoples? And it turn out — dere IS a watchman. De watchman does come to wuk. De watchman say no.

I’m texting every single person in de family group chat right now. One of me cousins is de President of de Chamber of Commerce in Central and HE send me a voice note dat was just “hmmmmmm” for eleven seconds. You know what dat “hmmmm” mean? Dat “hmmmm” mean de procurement drama going and be SPICY for de next six weeks. SPICY.

I’m gettin’ de popcorn ready. Real popcorn. Not de microwave one. De stove-top kind.

DE SoE: LORD FORGIVE ME BUT

Now listen.

I was AGAINST de State of Emergency when it start. I was. I was on WhatsApp sayin’ “civil liberties” and “due process” and everything. I was sharin’ articles. I was wearin’ me activist self.

But darling. DARLING.

Dey just picked up THIRTEEN MORE people dis week. Including ONE person who was helping a CORRUPT POLICE OFFICER interfere with EVIDENCE in a TRANSNATIONAL ORGANIZED CRIME case.

You know what dat means? De police was dirty. De people helpin’ de police was dirty. De evidence was goin’ to disappear. And de SoE pulled dem all in.

1,500 people arrested. Fifteen HUNDRED. De ordinary police system could not do dis. De ordinary courts was takin’ years. And now — somethin’ finally moving.

I am not going to say de SoE is PERFECT. I am not going to say dere is no problems. I know dere is problems. I know.

But darling — me cousin in St James said she walk to de shop at 10PM last week. AT TEN PM. She has not walked to de shop at 10PM since 2019. She send me a voice note and she was CRYING because she just walked to de shop. She bought her bread and she walked back.

I don’t know how to feel. I am not supposed to feel happy about emergency powers. But I feel a LITTLE happy. Forgive me Jesus. I feel a little happy.

ANGELICA JOGIE 💔

And then.

Oh God.

And then.

Seven years old. Seven years. Little Angelica was on vacation with she family in Tobago. A jet ski. In de swimming area.

I cannot even.

Me nephew have a girl de same age. Same age EXACTLY. When I read dis I had to go sit down. I had to go and watch de news with de sound off. I couldn’t handle de sound.

Dey say dey going to review de regulations. Dey been saying dat since 2019. SEVEN YEARS of saying dey going to review de regulations and now dere is a little girl who will never turn eight. Never.

I am praying for dat family. I am praying for every family who let dey children go to dat beach dis year. I am praying for de jet ski operators who have to live with what dey do and what dey did.

And I am angry. I am quiet angry. I am de kind of angry where I don’t say anything for a little while. But I am angry.

KAMLA ON DE MIDDLE EAST

De Prime Minister say she monitoring de Middle East situation. And — look, I voted for her, alright, I will not lie — but “monitoring” is what me auntie used to say when she was pretending to read me school report while watchin’ Days Of Our Lives.

Monitor SOMETHING, Kamla. Monitor de gas price. Monitor de flour. Monitor de situation in every Pennywise in de country. Because when de Middle East start movin’ de global price, we is a small island and we does feel it first.

I love her. But “monitoring” is not policy. Monitoring is homework. Do de homework.

OKAY ALLYUH I have to go. De bread in de oven. Me grandson coming over at 11 and I have to wash he football uniform. And me phone is buzzin’ again because Uncle Ralph have ANOTHER thought about de pension.

Send dis to somebody who needs some good news today.

GOD BLESS TRINIDAD & TOBAGO!!!

— Auntie Cheryl, Chaguanas 💋