National Park

Progress Report & Rumour Mill — March 2026

📋 PROGRESS REPORT — MARCH 2026

A satirical assessment of government projects and national promises.

PROJECT: $100,000 National Cash Grant STATUS: Partially Launched UPDATE: Bank account holders receiving funds. Citizens without bank accounts waiting on a digital platform “being set up.” No timeline provided. Citizens are encouraged to acquire bank accounts before the next announcement.

PROJECT: Windfall Tax on ExxonMobil Oil Revenue STATUS: Under Eternal Review UPDATE: Kaieteur News calculates a 25% windfall tax would generate US$9 million more per day for the national treasury. The government has reviewed this information. The review of the review is ongoing. A press conference about something else was held.

Wednesday Brief: Oil Hits $100, Mohameds Rejected Again, and Guyana's Last Independent Paper is Gone

Your satirical look at today’s Guyanese newspapers — because if you don’t laugh, you cry 🇬🇾

🛢️ Oil Hits US$100 a Barrel and Guyana Has Complicated Feelings

The Middle East conflict has pushed crude to triple digits, which means Guyana is simultaneously experiencing its best financial news of the year and a quiet national existential crisis. Citizens who paid $800 for flour last week are processing this development at their own pace. ExxonMobil said it was “monitoring the situation closely,” which is corporation-speak for “counting the money.”