Welcome to Friday, where our oil fields are being liquidated faster than a closing-down sale, our Speaker fled to India while Parliament remains closed, and Exxon’s 75% “expense deduction” makes Nigerian email scams look amateur.
Today’s menu: The Great Oil Heist exposed (75% goes to “costs”), Speaker escapes to India during constitutional crisis, French Ambassador politely suggests democracy might be nice, Mashramani launches because at least we can party, and President Ali promises no Venezuela deals (this time he means it, promise).
Muhammad Ibrahim becomes IICA Director-General, census data sparks housing debate, cybercrime law faces criticism, and AG slams courts for ignoring legislation.
Attorney General scolds magistrates for ignoring laws, government promises 87 new apps, and President Ali discovers swamps can become highways (who knew?). Welcome to Tuesday in paradise!
Murders up 11% despite overall crime drop, new $123M search and rescue system launched, over 3,100 traffic offences in one week, and financial system reforms promised.
Welcome to Monday, where last week’s problems are this week’s problems with a fresh coat of optimistic denial.
Nothing got fixed over the weekend. Shocked? You shouldn’t be.
Today’s menu: GuySuCo gets scolded (again), The Mohameds perfect the art of not leaving, crime stats achieve Olympic-level creativity, and we learn why complaining about bribery is somehow worse than actual bribery. Just another week in paradise!
📊 TODAY’S NUMBERS
Mohamed Appeals: 47 (their lawyer’s yacht fund thanks you)